My parents ruin everything for me!?

Question

In the Easter of this year, my parents found out that I'm gay, they read through my text messages and that's how they discovered that I was seeing a guy that I had stay over once. I also did some stupid things which ruined trust with my parents (I went to London for a weekend without their permission).

My dad has been fairly supportive in everything, my mum on the other hand, hates the whole thing and thinks i'm "too young to make such a big decision" (i'm 16..). Both of them though, are very strict and seem to love making a big deal out of everything I want to do.

In the last few weeks I've started seeing someone who lives quite close to me. We've had him over for dinner a couple of times, and my parents seemed to get on just fine with him.

I'm in sixth form so we often have a lot of free periods, and in such a small area there's nothing to do, so we often go back to each others houses.

Whenever I ask if I can go out, I get a huge lecture on not to do alcohol or drugs, and to be back by some absurdly early hour.

Everything I ever ask for, like this morning I said could he come over at 8:30AM because his mum is on her way to work and will drop him for the bus. My mum got her grump on and said "it's too early, I don't want to pick him up from the bus" (when it's 20 seconds down the road and the guy i'm talking about's mum drives us 20 MINUTES home and back and forth).

My parents just seem to love to say no, no and no and they're making my life a living hell, sometimes I just think they'd be so much better off without me. :(

Answer 1

Damn those people for ruining your life! You know, the ones that feed you, clothe you, and put a roof over your head. Just because you feel they want you back at an absurdly early hour doesn't make it so. Do you think parents shouldn't lecture their children about drugs and alcohol? It's their responsibility, you're their child. This all sounds like basic teenage whining.

Answer 2

It is dificult for parents to accept the fact that you are growing up and will soon be leaving home to live on your own. They still look on you as a little child that has to be told when where and not to ask question, just do as you are told. It is especialy hard for parents to accept that you are gay. No parent want to find that out about there child. They think in the terms as boys liking girls and having to have that sex talk with them. When you sneak of and go places that they do not know you are going then youl have to rebuild that trust again and that is hard to do and it will take some time. It will not happen over night. They are doing what they think is best for you. You may not see it that way. When I was 16 I thought my parents were the stupidest people on earth. When I was 21 they were the smartest people I knew. How did they get so smart in just 5 years. They did not go to collage or any schools? It was only me and what I thought. I was the stupid one. I hope this is of some help to you and Good Luck.

Answer 3

Sorry to sound harse but I think they're right. Firstly, there's no need to bring the fact that you're gay into this. It's obviously nothing to do with that otherwise they wouldn't have the guys around.



With regards to the no drink, no drugs and home early, damn right. Dude, you went to London and didn't tell them. Do you know how dangerous that is? What if there was a terrorist attack when you were there, you'd only be reported as missing and it would never cross their mind that you were there! I know that's an extreme but when you love someone that much you worry about the extremes.



If you want to be treated as an adult, start acting like one. Help out at home, be on time, show them that you can be trusted. Remember, going to London destroyed any trust they had in you and now they don't know what you're capable of doing. You need to work so hard to earn that trust again.



If you do intend to drink, a good way to build trust would be to sit down with your parents and explain that you would like to try it and ask if it's ok for you to have a few drinks with them at home. If they say no, then accept it and ask them when do they think it's ok to try it. Tell them that you'd rather drink now under responsible supervision rather than turning 18 (or 21 if you're USA) and going out to a pub not knowing how drink affects you.



It's a very mature responsible attitude and even if they don't let you drink, they see you as more of an adult for making the decision to talk to them about it.



Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I went against the flow as a kid myself and it took me years to learn that it's easier to play it their way.

Answer 4

Your poor mother doesn't get that it isn't a "decision." You were always gay--in fact, you were gay in her womb. There's no "choice" about it. You might want to point all that out to her, if you can do it without her flipping out.



Your mother will keep saying NO NO NO until she realizes that all the NO-ing in the world isn't going to make you "Not Gay."



It'll take awhile. Just let it roll off your back. Keep your head down and stay "low key" when dealing with her. Time has a way of flying. Eventually she'll settle down and realize that you're here, you're queer, and she needs to get used to it. Once she does she'll back off. Won't happen overnight, but it will happen eventually.

Answer 5

ok i am sorry but i have to ask this. why cant you just do women up the butt. no but in all seriousness my uncles and my cousin are gay and the whole family is supportive. but what you need to do is just bring home the hottest ***** you can and tell your parents that your not gay. but still have a boyfriend say you went threw a wierd stage or something trust me. my cousin went threw the same thing you are going threw and he did that and my aunt and uncle went back to be their normal selves and actually i have seen a gay kid get the **** stomped outta him for being gay and when he got outta the hospital he was straight. he has a wife and two daughters now and he says that he was scared straight

Answer 6

You're making a mountain out of molehill. Be nice to your parents, They only have your best interest in mind. Come on you're young Look at things on their perspective.

Answer 7

Without your parents you'd be nothing. Deal with it. It's not your house and your still underage. Two more years and you'll be free.



I'm 16 as well and am confused.

Answer 8

Suffer living at home until you finish school, then get a job and with your money comes your independence and your own control of yourself. It's so simple. You can finance your own life! That's fair, yes?

Answer 9

No