Long ques, but I'm troubled?

Question

I’m a 24 year old girl. Read on.
I was this really bright and popular girl at school. I soon started having health issues and family issues. Though my family has always had issues. I had many friends in school but most were with me just because I was popular. Guys would ask me out and girls were quite bitchy, but I didn’t bother about both of those.

There were guys I turned down, and one of them started calling me a **** and spreading rumours about me. People WANTED to believe him. This has continued for a long time though now this guy apologized via email 2 months ago. Apart from that, I’m was linked up to various guys. Rumours that had no basis circled around and people would ask me via social networking sites if I’m dating so and so..

After school, I unwillingly entered a relationship which turned abusive from his side. We were physical too, and he became extremely demanding, unrealistically expecting me to rebel against my family for little issues. He would also give me no space and breathe down my neck. And very, very manipulative. He simultaneously dated some other dame and we parted, but he left me very damaged and he played it up well so his friends thought (and still think) that I was the *****.

I was forced into a career choice I didn't want. But my parents talked me into it, telling me how I'll love it and how great it is. I don't blame them for this, but I'm not happy, now after getting done with it I know it isn't that great, not for me, at least.

Then, my esteem became so, so pathetic that “I entered into a relationship with this guy who was 7 years older to me. I was 20. He started off as a friend, we hit it on decently at that level but after we went out several times, I realsed he had never once offered to pay half, or even quarter of the lunch bill, etc. Basically, I realized he was a loser, and had already gotten him through an interview where he got a job and shifted out of his dad’s shop. I soon got operated for my back and he was the first person I called. He told me he’s busy working out on the treadmill and called me the next day. Well, I dumped him.

Next, a really great, smart guy who even I had a crush on asked me out. I agreed. But the second and third times I went out with him, he pounced on me and started doing things to me such that it looked like he;s gonna rape me or something and scared me off. The bugger even met my parents . But I dumped him.

I had to be operated again.

After a year, I met a good friend of my cousin and we hit it off. But it was long distance. Also, he was much older. After a while I dumped him too, he was too needy.

Last, I went out with a guy who had a huge crush on me for 3 years but he was a year younger. I really wanted this to work and I had started to like him too. It was perfect, we had space, we had fun, we really liked each other. He was grace personified. Somehow, after we became physical and close and all, suddenly he becomes extremely immature and tells me I'm "too nice" for him. I know it's bullshit. I realized he was just playing and looking for fun. I was broken.. He told me of how he felt I'm tooo soft-spoken, I don’t have leadership qualities and I haven't played many videogames or learnt AUTOCAD (so we don't have something in common, duh). Probably he just wanted a ***** to smack him and give him a great hormonal rush. Everytime I think of it, I just want to laugh my insdes out on what a nutcase he was, though he had an IQ of 170+. Also, he felt I was not "upto" his standard in terms that he was becoming an aeronautical engineer. Still, though I'm not very superficial, I wonder why he was carrying such a chip even though he isn't half as good looking to look even like my driver. He also complained how I was too short for him, he's 5'10" and I'm 5'3". Now, he's told his friends on how he bedded me and they share jokes and laugh EXTREMELY loudly when I pass them. I was extremely honest to him. I think of how great it’d be if he was a little sensible. We’d be great. Sigh, high IQ doesn’t always mean high EQ
Now he might think I must have been slutting around if I could sleep with him, which isn't true since I've been physical only in first and now this relationship.
Additional Background :
Besides, my mom has always hated me and only prefers my other sibling, and I really cover up for all his nonsense.
. My dad is always violent. I was also molested by 3 different guys when I was a kid.

This really is the case of how the good guy gets all the ****.
I’m ready to take my life in control and kick ***.. I’m strong. Just give me some advice on how to go about it.
Thanks.
P.S. : I've been to counsellors, psychiatrists, name it. They're a bunch of crap and don't help much.
And yes, rumours trouble me a lot.

Answer 1

You need to start taking charge of your life, make your own decisions and stop being silly by falling into relationships you have no business being in. you are creating unnecessary heartache for yourself. the first relationship you got into was all on you, you admitted that you unwillingly wanted to be involved, but you didn't stay true to yourself and ended up paying the price. If you don't respect yourself, others WILL NOT provide it for you.



Stop having connections with people who are only out to hurt you and make you look like a fool in the end. these guys who laugh and joke about you are still little boys, stay away from them! quit giving them chances to make a game out of you.



And one more thing, when getting "physical" every time you're in a relationship, you're giving off the wrong idea to these guys. all this sexual and making out crap needs to be removed when you're trying to get to know a guy. most of the time when a female is dating, she will run into alot of males who just want to fool around. but when you give in and allow all the physical activity, you are jumping right into their trap and then it hurts like hell when they dump you.



you are MORE than just the physical part. you have to learn to let a man get to know you and you have to learn to get to know them without all this sexual interference. if a guy leaves you because you don't give in, at least you know thats one unhealthy relationship you didn't need to be in and you keep going and going until you find one who's going to love you and respect you.. how is the relationship suppose to grow healthy on its own if you keep resorting to this?

Answer 2

Well, the first thing that I would say is, don't date for a while. You sound terribly frustrated & In my opinion, a man is the last thing you need to be worried about right now.



The time not being put into dating and relationships can now be used for improving your life in some way. Join a club, take a class, read a self-help book. Develop a new habit in exercise, eating, or any other thing during this time period. Spend some time on "YOU"



Think about the pros and cons of your prior dating experiences .....and that can help you to create a better 'weeding out' process in the future.



Volunteer somewhere that is important. Putting your focus on the needs of others is a good way of making your own worries come into a more clear focus. Remember, before you go trying -to get involved with someone, make sure that you are in a position of positive strength.

Answer 3

Ummmm....wow. It sounds to me like you have had a very hard life emotionally and have had really terrible luck in your choice of men. Your best bet for gaining control of your life is to identify what it is that you are most talented and love to do and put your energy into that thing, whatever it is. Use your strengths to excel in your job or school or whatever. Be the best around at this thing and maybe in the process you will attract the attention of a guy that has similar interests and he will be worthy of you for a change. Good luck!

Answer 4

i'd initiate via maximum proper him around the jumps, untacked and each thing. basically initiate there and notice how he does. Then pass directly to lunging, driving around them, and finally leaping them. walk him around an excellent sized leap, yet once you initiate off leaping back thoroughly initiate over with floor poles, and pass up SLOWLY from there. in case you bypass 2 or 3 inches, you will no longer see how he reacts to the decrease jumps you skipped. in case you sense him in any respect hesitant, decrease the rail and leap him, and end. then you definitely comprehend his soft leap height. If the jumps you have been leaping are somewhat intense (2'+) then he would desire to be uncertain of the area. once you initiate maximum proper him, initiate at a walk, then trot with him inhand, then lunge him at a walk, and pass up the gaits whilst he's soft. once you initiate leaping back, make the jumps somewhat trouble-free. basically 2 leap standards and one pole, no floor poles to come to a decision the strides or something. enable him do it himself and leap the way he's soft. whilst he jumps it comfortably like that, upload some floor poles the place you want them, and perhaps yet another pole to the leap to make it look "fancier". Take this somewhat sluggish by using fact the 1st time he hesitates, acts skittish, or something, you ought to right this moment pass backwards. i think of he basically desires to construct his self assurance, which might help a ton if he had self assurance in you, and trusts you. I accomplish this with my horses via watching some organic horsemanship concepts and adapt them to in positive condition me and my horse. i'd do each thing around the jumps, so he get's used to them and is familiar with every time he sees a leap, it does no longer propose he has to get irritating. good luck.

Answer 5

try and cut this question down then repost it.

cut out all the gabble then maybe someone might want to read it.

facts only