Hi there, you sound so sad! I am so sorry.
Even though you have been married for 10 years, you sound very, very young. Which makes me think you and him probably got married at a young age.
Yes, you do have a problem, but there is one really good thing about this problem, and that is you and him both say that you are still in love with each other. So if that is true, this marriage can be fixed and even turn into a happy one, but it will take both of you working on it and both of you wanting it. That might be a little bit of a problem since it sounds like your hubby doesn't even see where the problem is.
See honey both of you work full time day jobs, and then when you get off work, he goes to a job that he loves, hanging out with the guys that are his friends, doing the things he likes to do, where you on the other hand, you are not so much into the drinking, music, hanging out in the bars. For him to understand this, it would be like if you asked him to get off of his day job, come home and sitting with your girlfriends, watching love stories on tv, eating popcorn!! Those might be the things that you would like, but not him. But yet, he doesn't see what he enjoys doing is not always your cup of tea. Do you understand what I mean?
Yes, it is wonderful that he is a hard worker and not a bum. That he does want to provide for the two of you. But, honey what he is over looking is, that money is not going to mean very much to you when you are not happy. That is why they say that money can't buy happiness. Nor, is it enough to keep love alive. I am sure your husband is not a bad person, not at all, he just has to put in order what matters the most to him. This takes a giving and taking on both of your parts.
He ask you what you would want to do since you can't go out as you don't have the money. Little does he know that going out is probably the last thing you would want to do.
Now, you are going to have to take some much needed steps in making this a happy marriage. First stop asking him for his attention and time, and just demand it. The first thing is to put a stop to having his buddies "living" all their spare time at your house. Tell your husband that next, (and pick a day, whatever day you know that he doesn't have to work at the bar) that it is going to be a night that you are setting aside for the two of you. And when you say the TWO of you, that is the number you mean. You tell his friends right off, "sorry guys, but next ???day is off limits for you boys stopping over because that is the night I am spending along with my guy." Do not be shy in speaking up. You have every right to do this.
Then, make the most of it. Plan very carefully. Make his favorite meal. Including his best dessert. Turn the lights down, maybe eating by candlelight. Put on some soft music. Wear something real pretty. Eat slow and talk. Tell him how happy it makes you to be alone with him. How much you really love and miss him. After dinner, give him a nice back rub. Talk to him about how much he does for you, and how hard he works to make things better for the two of you. Baby him. Make him happy that he is spending this time with his wife.
After this night, plan another one the next week. You can rent a good movie to watch together on tv. You and him can play a game or cards together. Include the good meal and don't forget the words of love and the relaxing back rub. During the week, tuck little love notes in his lunch. If he doesn't take a lunch to work, go outside when he doesn't see you and put a love note on the front seat of his car, so he will see it on his way to work the next morning. Tell him how you can't wait to see him and how you will be thinking of him all day long. Tell him you miss him already.
Plan a day when you do want to have a cook out including his friends. Treat then well, but flirt with you husband right in front of them. You know, nothing sexual, but just a little teasing. It will make him fell like "the man" in front of his friends. Give him lots of comments in front of his buddies. A few light kisses too. Make something special for the cookout that you know he really likes and say that in front of his buddies, like, "here honey, I made some of that potato salad that I know you really love just to surprise you with." Just brag about him and make him feel very special.
Still go back to your alone time, at least one time per week. After awhile, add an extra day for the two of you. Little at a time. Take in a dinner out sometime when you do have the extra money or to a movie. Hold hands, even at home sitting on the sofa. When he is sitting down, curl up on his lap. Rub his arms. Talk about how much you love to touch him. About how cute he is. Make him feel great about himself.
It basically is just letting him fall deeply in love with you again. Men sometimes are clueless. Ha. Go for it NOW! Good Luck, Aunt DeeDee.