What should she do? reposting to get more feed back for those who answered I appreicate your comments?

Question

I made a mistake, a mistake that could cost me the most important person to me. Last week why my girlfriend of almost 2 years was in the shower I looked thru her phone without her permission. I then took 3 of the numbers and put them in my phone. I honestly don't no why or what I was going to do. It was a moment of poor judgement and I messed up big time because I did look thru her phone in the past without her permission and she told me not to do it again. That was about a year ago give or take a month. She felt like she couldn't trust me around her phone and of course I said I wouldn't do it again and I didn't have intentions of doing it again because I no it's wrong but my dumb a$$ fell victom, no not fell victom, I had a dumb thought and dumber reaction. So I did what I said I wouldn't do, she feel like she can't trust her thing around me and don't want to be in a relationship like that. You no the messed up part. She been stressed out about things going on in her life, work, raising her daughter and she is trying her hardest to maintain in a tough time and instead of being he rock I show complete disrespect toward her. Now how she found out I did this is not important but she did, she confronted me and I started to lie. After regaining my breath I admitted the truth. I started to lie because I don't want to hurt her and honesty is always the best policy but I no I messed up. We are now at odds about whats going to happen with us. I no I was wrong and I felt bad after I did it. I cannot find the words to apologise or explain how it will never happen again because me saying it doesn't mean nothing to her now. This situation is killing me and I don't no what to do. This is the type of woman that makes me feel comfortable at night time just knowing she's mine. She accepts situation that I'm not mentioning because I don't want sympathy, I want my woman back but I'm scared I'm going to lose her. Again, I no I'm wrong, it's the 2nd time I did it, I started to lie about it, I had no motive of why I was looking other then being nosey and she gave me no reason to do it. What do you feel about my actions world? Please be honest, real, blunt and don't hold nothing back, I don't need critisim of how stupid I am for doing it because I already no that, I'm my worst enemy and already beat myself up about it.

Answer 1

You have trust issues. You looked and got numbers out of her phone that you didn't recognize so you could call those numbers and see who she was talking too because you don't trust her. Whoever you called must have gotten your number from their caller id and found out who you were and told her that you called them. You told her the truth because you knew you were caught and lying about it would have just have made it worse.



It's really hard to tell if you feel so bad about it because of what you did or because you got caught and you feel bad because now she knows and trusts you even less and you may lose her or you have already lost her because of it.



A person's trust in you is a hard thing to regain once it has been lost. I wish I could tell you there was a simple solution, but there isn't. She may never trust you again and then there is no hope of getting back together. If she gives you the chance to earn that trust back , you better be sure you can give it 100% or don't even try. She will test that trust and you better pass the tests.



You have probably been lied to or cheated on before and the trust you had for someone else was lost and it has caused you to not be able to trust someone else for the fear of being hurt again. The same has probably happened to her before as well. That happens to lots of people and it's not easy to overcome.



Trusting someone means being vulnerable to them and opening yourself up to the chance of being hurt by them, but it's the only way to truly love someone and have them love you back.



Tell her you want to trust her more than anything , but you trusted someone before and they betrayed that trust and it was devastating to you and made you feel so foolish that it's hard to not fear that happening again.



Tell her you don't mean to do it. You don't want to feel like that and you feel bad for the things you have done to her because of being hurt by someone before.



Tell her you love her more than anything and if she will give you the chance to have her trust you again that you will give your heart to her and trust that she will never break it.



You better mean it too!!!

Answer 2

If the two of you been together for two years and you just picked up her phone and looked through it, I don't see what the big deal is. Unless she has some top secret job and her phone has all the numbers of the Secret Service then what is the big deal? If she has nothing to hide then it shouldn't be a problem. If you guys have an open and honesty relationship then what is the big deal. Yes, you are invading her privacy but people should not ask for an open and honesty relationship if they can't deal with it. Seeing each other naked is an invasion of privacy but when you are in a relationship that doesn't stop you from getting naked. If you have issues about cheating, then those are issues that you need to resolve. It is not fair to her if you are assuming that she is cheating because it has happened to you in the past. The first time you looked in her phone was because you want to discover something and when you didn't find it then it then there was no need to look in her phone again. You said you trust her. So why did you look? The fact that you took a second look plus got three of her number seem odd. I also get the impression that this is really not about a phone, something is going on with you that is causing you to be insecure, which is causing guilt, that is causing the suspicion. You need to man up and confess everything, get it all out in the open. And you also need to decide if you can agree to the terms of the relationship she has given you. If you can't respect the fact that she doesn't want you to look in her phone then respect move on. At the same time you need to be just a open and let her look at your phone, most women do it anyway. If she sees that you are will the be open with the maybe she can see that it really is not a big deal.

Answer 3

You sound sincere (rarely found in a guy, or I'm just unlucky at finding them), so there's one positive.



What I first thought about this was, why did you feel the need to look through her phone in the first place? Don't you trust her? Do you really understand her self/situation? If you really did, it seems that you wouldn't look through her phone in the first place. Having a kid and being in a difficult situation, you can't afford to make stupid mistakes like cheating on a boyfriend, in all honesty you don't have the time, or emotional availability in the first place. It just creates more problems and stress, realise this and you might begin to understand how she's feeling. Along with the hurt that her boyfriend doesn't trust her and makes a stupid move like that, several times, and lying.



It's up to her really, on what happens now, you are in no situation to choose what happens to your relationship I'm afraid, you took away that right yourself when you looked at her phone and lied to her. All you can do is explain yourself to her, why you did it, why you love her, want to be with her, and a REAL promise to never do it again - hoping that she'll believe you this time. Maybe even show her this post you've made, she may see that you really are sorry and want to make this work. Good luck anyway.