2008-12-15 06:57:03 UTC
I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 yrs. (kinda on and off but mostly on-if you get me) Things were great at the start-for the first 6 months i thought i had died and went to heaven..he was the sweetest guy ever, so gentle and caring. We spent everyday 2gether and i have to say i managed to fall completely and utterly in love with him. My first boyfriend,my first love!
THEN after that time things came back 2 reality we were no longer living in the honeymoon phase. I rememeber one day having the biggest nastiest argument with him over the phone-it was our first argument and it was bad....ever since that any argument we have is always huge no matter how small the reason is. Sometimes i even forget why we are arguing. He has said many nasty things to me in these arguments(stuff that even your enemy wouldnt dare to say) and to be honest he has really destroyed my confidence, I no longer find it easy to make friends and get along with others. NOW i have no friends, ive left my job and all i can do is stay in bed. I find it hard to even leave my house. The thing is i really love this guy. I miss him when hes not around! he's my best friend, my only friend now. When we argue i try my hardest to stop or prevent it but he says the most heart crushing things and i can't help but retaliate. After the argumants i feel destroyed-at those moments I swear to myself i'll never speak to him again and as soon as he calls apologising (which he always does) im back with him again. I can't move on. I can't get over him. The whole situation is so unhealthy but i love him, i really do. He says he loves me all the time but he doesnt show it.When we use to argue,he'd always ring me afterwards and apologise, promise me he'll change, promise me the world and more! He would get so upset and tell how much he loved me and needed me and how he never wanted to lose me-So i believed him and i forgave him but as soon as we were back together the whole situation would happen again-constantly repeating itself! of course he never changed, i always took him back. But lately he doesnt even call after we argue and if he does he doesnt apologise,he just continues to be nasty. He goes out with his mates all the time and while with them turns his phone off. i find myself texting him but while he's with them i never get a reply. Im stuck in a rut- got no one to turn to. I confide in him all the time but he throws it all back in my face when we argue even hurtful stuff bout my fathers illness. I don't know why i allow myself to be treated like this.But the thing is he won't let me move on--he constantly rings me and texts obviously when he is not with his friends. And when i tell him its over he goes out of his way to get me back,he'l ring me all day long proclaiming his love but also demanding i speak to him.He doesn't know what he wants.He said that if he can't have me then noone will-he said he will go out of his way to stop any guy from dating me or even liking me! he said he will destroy any guy he sees me with. why is he treating me this way? why won't he let me move on? if he wants to be with me why does he treat me so badly? why can't he just be a normal boyfriend to me?
I went from a happy outgoing socialable girl with many friends to nothing at all and its eating me up!