Question:
URGENT! advice needed!?
2008-12-15 06:57:03 UTC
Sorry this is going to be long but i have so much i need to get off my chest!
I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 yrs. (kinda on and off but mostly on-if you get me) Things were great at the start-for the first 6 months i thought i had died and went to heaven..he was the sweetest guy ever, so gentle and caring. We spent everyday 2gether and i have to say i managed to fall completely and utterly in love with him. My first boyfriend,my first love!
THEN after that time things came back 2 reality we were no longer living in the honeymoon phase. I rememeber one day having the biggest nastiest argument with him over the phone-it was our first argument and it was bad....ever since that any argument we have is always huge no matter how small the reason is. Sometimes i even forget why we are arguing. He has said many nasty things to me in these arguments(stuff that even your enemy wouldnt dare to say) and to be honest he has really destroyed my confidence, I no longer find it easy to make friends and get along with others. NOW i have no friends, ive left my job and all i can do is stay in bed. I find it hard to even leave my house. The thing is i really love this guy. I miss him when hes not around! he's my best friend, my only friend now. When we argue i try my hardest to stop or prevent it but he says the most heart crushing things and i can't help but retaliate. After the argumants i feel destroyed-at those moments I swear to myself i'll never speak to him again and as soon as he calls apologising (which he always does) im back with him again. I can't move on. I can't get over him. The whole situation is so unhealthy but i love him, i really do. He says he loves me all the time but he doesnt show it.When we use to argue,he'd always ring me afterwards and apologise, promise me he'll change, promise me the world and more! He would get so upset and tell how much he loved me and needed me and how he never wanted to lose me-So i believed him and i forgave him but as soon as we were back together the whole situation would happen again-constantly repeating itself! of course he never changed, i always took him back. But lately he doesnt even call after we argue and if he does he doesnt apologise,he just continues to be nasty. He goes out with his mates all the time and while with them turns his phone off. i find myself texting him but while he's with them i never get a reply. Im stuck in a rut- got no one to turn to. I confide in him all the time but he throws it all back in my face when we argue even hurtful stuff bout my fathers illness. I don't know why i allow myself to be treated like this.But the thing is he won't let me move on--he constantly rings me and texts obviously when he is not with his friends. And when i tell him its over he goes out of his way to get me back,he'l ring me all day long proclaiming his love but also demanding i speak to him.He doesn't know what he wants.He said that if he can't have me then noone will-he said he will go out of his way to stop any guy from dating me or even liking me! he said he will destroy any guy he sees me with. why is he treating me this way? why won't he let me move on? if he wants to be with me why does he treat me so badly? why can't he just be a normal boyfriend to me?
I went from a happy outgoing socialable girl with many friends to nothing at all and its eating me up!
56 answers:
Jackie L
2008-12-15 07:13:12 UTC
Wow, you seem to be in a bit of a rut.



Firstly, don't believe that a healthy relationship is one where you don't argue! This is definitely not the case. Me and my partner have terrible fights, where we scream at each other, but 5 minutes later, it is all over, and we get on with things. He has never raised a hand to me, and never threatened me. We had a good row about once a week, but the rest of the time we are fine. You have to be able to vent your frustrations. How old are you? This will make quite a difference to your options. It sounds to me though like you need to move on.



If you are below 20, then I would say to ignore his insults and threats. There is nothing he can do to stop you living your life, and you will easily make friends. Plus i'm sure your family will be behind you. You are way to young to be putting up with this!



If you are 20-30, you need to stand up to him and tell him to stop it, or get out! Be strong. Feel free to try and work things out - I know it is not as simple as just give up on your relationship, but you have to let him know that he is not to treat you like this anymore! You have to be prepared to walk away! Don't accept the way he treats you. It's either your way, or the highway! He will soon move on, and will not have the energy or the inclination to keep you away from other men! And if he does, make sure you pick a 6ft4 body builder! He will soon find someone else to bully. And move on.



Hope everything works out okay. I will keep looking at your listing incase you add any extra detail you need help with.
2008-12-15 07:09:36 UTC
LISTEN TO ME ok? I was in the exact same situation as you a couple of years back - the relationship started out so unbelieveable I thought my feet would never again touch the ground - but after a couple of months his behaviour changed - we argued over everything, I began loosing most of my friends, I became quiet and unconfident - I began to rely on him and swallowed all the crap he'd feed me about loving me - whilst abusing me at the same time. You are dating a control freak. This wont EVER get better. You need to getout of this relationship NOW. Get your stuff together and go - change your number and make sure he doesnt have it - if he calls to wherever you're staying ring the police - get a restraining order against him. You must do this or you will lead a very miserable, lonely and not worth living life. I never again thought Id find happiness after I left my ex - but its the best - even though it was also the hardest thing I ever did and today im in a relationship with a most wonderful guy that treats me like a queen - hes caring and loving and Ive never been happier. You have to get away from this guy before he destroys you hun.

xx
ami
2014-09-24 07:51:22 UTC
He's also a self-conscious jerk and is trying to make you miserable in all aspects of your life so that you'll think you only have him in the world. AND IT"S WORKING! This is the first symptom of an abusive relationship, emotional abuse. The next time there's and argument, you might not be so lucky, he could slap you once in the face or beat the crap out of you with a few punches. You need to leave and do it now. As embarrassing as it might be for you, call a family member and tell them what's going on, ask for help. When you tell him you don't want to be with him anymore, have someone there with you, things could get tricky and/or dangerous. You can always look online for assistance for peop
2008-12-15 07:20:32 UTC
Hun, i know this situation oh so well, sometimes you have to ask yourself are you in love with the idea of him more then you are him? if you honestly look deep inside yourself and ask your self this then u will find yes you are. how ever hard it may be you need to get a new number so he cant call you all the time, tell him enough is enough n move on, ok you will probably spend day's crying eating chocolate and watching rubbish on tele but in the long run you will feel so much better for it, darling u have to open your eyes and see that how ever much he promises the world people will never change and why should u change for someone just as why should they for u? why is it he goes out with his friends yet you feel you cant have any friends and you have gone into your self? if he is saying all these hurtful things to you then he obviously does not care about you or love you and the honeymoon period has long gone now darling, you have given it long enough, you should leave him hard maybe but he is distroying your life, you should hold your head up high, get out, look at your self n feel amazing because once u have got rid of him you will feel so strong n start to get that confidance back. he gives empty threats and just let him get on with it. your worth 20 times more then him just be strong n come to terms with the fact your in love with the idea of him and that its going no where, but you are the most important person now... change your number get a new job where no one knows your past and im sure life will seem so much easyer and better.

xXx
jaedacoy
2008-12-15 07:22:26 UTC
First of all, no matter what don't tell yourself that you've turned into nothing at all. You can't degrade yourself like that over a guy. You have to know that you are somebody with or without this guy. He needs to be an accessory in YOUR life. So, if you need to do you. do you, first. Because it seems like maybe you need to build yourself up from the inside. Otherwise, without him you wouldn't be nearly as down.

in terms of him, honestly it really does sound like theres lust there, obviously on your part. But the thing is, if you never get your conversations going positively, its not ganna work out. You either have to conviously chose to make those small events between you work, or perhaps think about letting go of the relationship for a while..

and this goes for him to. Conversation can be so much easier when both people come tot he understanding that they need to change. Try telling him what you think he could do differently when talking to you. as in: NO INSULTS, no temper. Than see if you can change also: Don't give in to his anger. That only empowers him to fight more. Just pretend like hes not effecting you, and be the bigger person. That's how you STOP a fight /argument. Next, when he's calm.. tell him how YOU feel. don't wait for the apology. Make your boundaries clear to him, and he ever breaks them again, tell him, its over.
CaptainObvious
2008-12-15 07:17:08 UTC
He treats you this way because he's abusive. He's also a self-conscious jerk and is trying to make you miserable in all aspects of your life so that you'll think you only have him in the world. AND IT"S WORKING! This is the first symptom of an abusive relationship, emotional abuse. The next time there's and argument, you might not be so lucky, he could slap you once in the face or beat the crap out of you with a few punches. You need to leave and do it now. As embarrassing as it might be for you, call a family member and tell them what's going on, ask for help. When you tell him you don't want to be with him anymore, have someone there with you, things could get tricky and/or dangerous. You can always look online for assistance for people in your situation. It can be risky involving the cops, but if you ever feel that you are in danger, please don't hesitate for even a second to call them. That's why they're there.





Decide if you'd rather be with someone for the wrong reasons or alone for the right ones.
jeanne
2016-05-30 22:45:58 UTC
You should stop focusing on what you dont like about yourself, think about the positive things, for example, you have really nice eyes, a clear, sharp blue, and as a bonus, when the braces come out you will have nice straight teeth =) I think you are genuinely pretty, you dont need make up to look nice. I have braces, and I recently posted a question almost exactly the same as yours. You are slim and pretty and im not going to rant about anxiety disorders and conselling, just go out a bit more, make some new friends and make an effort to have fun. Maybe find a hobby or something that is new and you will enjoy, you only see the bad things about yourself because you are scrutinizing, other people probably wont even notice. I dont believe that anyone is trult ugly, least of all you, I think you are very pretty, and you should realise that about yourself too. Hope this has helped a bit =) Good luck x
Jess H
2008-12-15 07:16:00 UTC
I think you know the answer to this question.

Look at what you're saying here. Look at what you've become because of this "love".



You need to let this relationship go. You're not happy, and this is not a healthy relationship. I know you love him...your first love will always be special, and they're always the hardest to let go. It's going to be painful, but this is not what love is meant to be. It's not just a question of being out of the "honeymoon" phase. You shouldn't be in such bad shape that you can't even get out of bed. And you shouldn't be fighting like you do. That's not normal. I've been with my husband for 12 1/2 years, married for 8 1/2, and we've NEVER had a fight like that. Ever. In a healthy relationship, you should be able to disagree...even strongly disagree...without it escalating into a bitter fight.



You need to move on, and find someone better for you. It's going to hurt to end this relationship, but you will recover...I promise. You're going to be in a lot WORSE shape if you don't.
rahlyd swamp muffin
2008-12-15 07:24:42 UTC
Ok first you need to change your phone number, next you need to start going out with girls for a girls night out all the time so you have fun, when you are busy you won't think. Next get a job, a busy job so the only thing you have time to think about is your job. By the time you get home the only thing you want to do is to take a shower and sleep. After a while when you are getting used to the job take up a hobby that you actually have to sit down an learn. Once all that is done you should have about 6 to 8 months should have gone by. It is then time to maybe consider dating especially because you haven't been thinking about him. Lastly if he starts hanging around your house and stalking you where ever you go get a restraining order if he comes with in lets say 100 ft of you call the police and have him arrested sounds harsh but you are in what sounds to me like an abusive relationship,and you need to get out of it. Sorry that is how I see it.

Hope this helped.
2008-12-15 07:11:25 UTC
Time is a healer. We have all been here before. Is your guy much older than you ?

He is playing with you and it's not fair.

2years is quite a long time, to have put up with all this.

Long enough i'd say .It will take time to adapt but but don't think you will never meet anyone else. Get back out there and show YOURSELF that there is life after this guy. Gain trust in yourself and close friends. Don't go looking for a replacement though, 1 if your looking you won't find and 2nd find yourself again first. Work on your self esteem and you'll look back and wonder what is was all about, wasting your life on this no-hoper !!!

Good luck and be strong.
G6er
2008-12-15 07:21:37 UTC
Peoples tips might be hard to read, but you really have to consider what everyone is saying. I had a friend who was in a relationship similar to yours. She would always tell me how much she loved him and I would always tell her that it isn't healthy. Eventually I did get through to her, she left him, and found a new guy. She is much happier now. I really hope the same for you. You have an advantage over my freind because you seem to realize that what you have is not a healthy relationship.



Your boyfriend is mentaly abusive. He controls you by influencing your thoughts and self-esteem. He knows that you wont leave him because you have no1 else to go to. It is a safety and control mechanism that he is using because he is insecure.



You have two options, to stay or to leave. You need to remember that this is your life, you deserve to be happy. There will be other people. You didn't know this guy since birth right? that means that you lived without him before, you can live without him again. And who is to say you wont find another guy that is better, I mean, you found this guy (when he was good to you) doesn't that mean you should be able to find another guy that is good to you?



I really hope you can free yourself, but it is hard and you will need to be very strong. If you need to talk to someone you are welcome to message me. clarke49@gmail.com or my yahoo email. (no i'm not 49 lol don't worry your not talking to an old geezer. hahaha) anyways, I have helped people before so I know what your going through. I hope the best for you.
«Gяιιιммנσш»®
2008-12-15 07:25:31 UTC
awwh i know how your feeling..okay look, it seems like he was a good person once and that at one time you two were good with each other but it just didnt last for long. if you want to escape these feelings of missing him you need to do something about it, and the best thing i think you should do is get with your old friends again and be part of their group, they'll welcome you back for sure. forget this guy, even though it seems hard, all your rewarded with is arguments and more pain. its obvious that hes one of those guys which act differently with you and when they're with you and their friends. thats total rubbish, you have no right to be ignored no matter what the situation, especailly if he promises a million things nad makes it up to you.. like you said, you always end up arguing, if he cant keep his promises, what can he do? he's not loyal to you and you need to take that seriously! its time to sort things out and put an end to all of it, dont listen to your feelings but have enough willpower to forget him and take him out of your life. it wont be simple, but as time goes on you WILL find it getting easier. he has to learn that without respecting you and your feelings he wont get anywhere. he doesn't deserve you so you should not make things easier for him! do whats right and spend your time doing better things, things you couldn't do while you were with him, being single isn't bad !! it lets you have total control over yourself without worrying about what he/she will think :)



Hope this helps you and that things fix up for you soon !

Add me if you want to ask anything else, ill help you for sure! :)



Take care ^_^
Han
2008-12-15 07:17:28 UTC
Cut him out of your life. Do NOT answers his calls or have any contact with him at all. He does this to you because he himself is insecure and controlling and you are weak. You allow him to treat you whichever way he wants, and he takes advantage of that and of you. Why do you let that happen?



He's treating you this way as he wants to continue controlling you. He won't let you move on because he sees you as his possession. He wants to be with you so that he can treat you badly in order to continue making himself feel better. He cannot be a normal boyfriend because he doesn't know how. (I actually think he's narcissistic but that's a whole can of worms I do not wish to open).



Get some back bone girl!



Get yourself out of that bed right now and go and find a job! New employment often brings new friends.



Never speak to him again. He's no good.
2008-12-15 07:10:58 UTC
You already know the answer to your dilemma. This man doe snot love you. He controls you, has you as a trophy he can manipulate, "lose and re-gain", just by saying he loves you. And you fall for it and lose the game. He has destroyed the happy, sociable person you used to be and he's tied you up emotionally in bonds that are hard to break. You are depressed and alone with only his occasional "reassurances" (manipulations) to tell you that you are worth any at all... and only to him.



This is classic control behaviour by someone who is more controlling than loving. The answer is to leave him. Do not pass Go, do not toalk to him again, do not take his phone calls, texts, e-mails or flowers. And especially not his "But I DO love you"s. He controls you.



Take control back. Do it with the help of your old friends...many of your girl friends will have run into this or known someone who has dealt with it.



Your relationship is broken and rusting away . Leave it in the scrap yard where it belongs.
abbersw77
2008-12-15 07:10:18 UTC
At first.. all relationships seem to go well. I think that you need to find someone better for you. I know how hard it can be because you are just thinking about the good times and the way things used to be. However if he is just fighting with you and not being the caring guy that he used to be then i don't think that is the guy you fell in love with. I hope you can figure this out.
danaraecatherine
2008-12-15 07:13:53 UTC
Hello,

I guess it would help a little if I knew how old you are. Regardless of age, however, you should NEVER let anyone treat you like that. You have to have enough love for yourself to NOT put up with that kind of treatment. In my opinion, you need to start making yourself unavailable. Being that you are counting on him for almost, if not all of your socializing, you really need to find a good friend to hang out with, or even someone to talk to. He needs to not be your only network, that is a recipe for disaster. Rekindle some friendships with girlfriends. Bottom line is, it doesn't sound like he is going to change and it sounds like he has some real issues. My favorite saying and what I have learned to adopt in my relationship life:

A relatioship should compliment your life not complicate it! That is true for a love relationship, friendship, any relationship and it really is true.

You also need to get strong....don't let him rule you....find something to keep you busy...make a list of things fun for you to do....or read, or something but keep busy\



Good luck
~*RAWK PRINZZEZZ*~
2008-12-15 07:07:42 UTC
i'l b straight n forward wit u, move on, dump the loser.

he really seems to have crashed ur life, turned u upside down, all this for a man, cmon a guy with two legs n a d***. u can do so much better honey.

i hav a feeling u r not around other guys much. if yes, then start. and start now. the more other ppl u see, meet or simply hang with, the easier it wil b for u, to lose that loser, n see how he is just playing u.

give him a taste of his own medicine for a change, hang up on him, dont text him. giv him the runarounds. n them dump him-thats ur revenge.

u WILL find someone who wil let u b u, n enjoy instead of getting low.



hope this helps!
miserable
2008-12-15 07:24:57 UTC
It's really shows that you love him, by accepting him back again and again..after all the stuffs he does to you. What's more, he even talk back to you about your father illness when it clearly show that you talked to him about your family matters because you trust him and he is someone that you can depend on. Well dear, he is not worth it. His threat is very childish and he could be a grown up man but inside him, still a child who needs attention. Maybe he was suffering by lack of attention when he was small. Look, love yourself first and know yourself. Its very essential. You will be more miserable if you are with him. Imagine yourself married to him with child.. This problem will never solve, ever. It will only get worst. You have a big heart and your love is worth for those who is worth it to be love.
2008-12-15 07:06:13 UTC
get a retraining order if hes really emotionally upsetting you.



i was in the exact same situation 2years ago. i didnt go out. i quit school, i barely ate...



IF IT HURTS IT ISNT LOVE!



best advice.. hurt him. move on. it is hard. VERY hard. first love seems like the only love. and men can sometimes get a bit crazy. (as can women)



show no emotion toward him. if he see's you in the street act like you dont see him, and be smiling and get that confidence back to where it should be.



He is not good enough for you.



you deserve someone that'l treat you right.



good luck, take care. and try to get used to living again.. coz i remember well how frightening outside can be when you've been emotionally blackmailed to believe the world is against you.

its not.



start enjoying life again. as soon as you make yourself happy again the better. but today isnt soon enough. :)
2008-12-15 07:06:29 UTC
Relationships are always hard but you are not married to the man are you?



If he is saying the nasty's things to you when you are arguing then he has a seriouse problem and I would strongly advice you to move on and find someone that is emotionally healhty and that has enough respect and care for you that htey won't feel the need to act like a spoiled 2 year old and disregard your feelings and your needs when arguing.
freaky_alien_uk
2008-12-15 07:17:12 UTC
Babe I cant say this strongly enough! DUMP HIM NOW!!

Change your number!

Seek out your old friends and apologise and tell them that if you are ever going to be rid of him you need their love and support!

I know how you feel! Honest I went through exactly this, put up with it for years! I tried to leave and he just kept coming out with the same things your guy is saying to you and I believed him! You are not alone in this! I eventually left my guy when a heated argument ended up with me spending 10 days in hospital! I never went back!

There are people around who will help! Most of my friends came back when I apologised and they helped me through it!

Believe me when I say there is light at the end of the tunnel (And its not a train coming towards you) Im now happily married and well shot of the bloke I once thought of as the love of my life! I now know he didn't really care for me! I was just a trophy to him! Its not going to be easy but Get out and get out NOW!!!

Good luck, my thoughts and wishes are with you!
kayyy_h
2008-12-15 07:08:48 UTC
I will remind you of that old saying "ACTIONS speak LOUDER than WORDS" remember that saying?? Keep in mind that it is easy to say ANYTHING it is even easier to PROMISE things but if he has apologized and so far has not been able to keep any of his promises it is time to move on. He is not going to change no matter how much he says he is... Moving on is hard I will grant you that. A good way to be able to move on is talk to him tell him how you feel and do not let yourself sink back in. Tell him that you need some time for yourself and cut off all communication with him and i mean all communication. For a good long period of time. That will help you move on.
angelinafischer60
2008-12-15 07:34:12 UTC
You are both young dealing with adult issues ,and both of you are fighting it out not considering you could agree to disagree, and just stop fighting. But no you have both hurt each other badly and unless you don't agree to forgive each other and drop it nothing is going to change. Yes I agree your self esteem has been shot through , because you are hurting and there is disillusionment ..... what you thought was Love now hurts' love hurts its the biggest sacrifice you could make but when we get through the hurdles again and again and again Love grows stronger and deeper. You really need to come to grips with all this , maybe see a canceler. Good luck,
2008-12-15 07:17:05 UTC
Kk. I was with a girl for 6 months. I loved her a lot but at times i acted like a jerk and we had a lot of falling outs. If you love this guy you should tell him what he means to you and the things he says are hurting you. If that don't work always walk away with your head held high. If this guy dose love you he wont say the things he says. You cant walk away coz you love him to much. As hard as it is, he don't love you. Move on girl. You are better than him and you deserve better than that.
Mordent
2008-12-15 07:12:10 UTC
Essentially it doesn't matter whether you love him or not, you'd be better off in the long run without him. If you do nothing but argue the only thing making up with him is doing is setting you up for another fall out.



It sounds like he is highly possessive and jealous. To me the reason he phones you is not because he loves you, but because he wants you - two very different things.
may
2008-12-15 07:11:39 UTC
hm..the question actually is "why don't you move on?" i'm not trying to be mean or anything but i wanted you to see clearly what you need to ask yourself. i personally think that it's time for you to move on. Break with him and ignore him for a few months. i'm pretty sure this will help you. Have courage and move on yourself. if's hard to get over your first love and everything but its time. this is unhealthy and not good for you. during the time you spend away from anything from him i'm sure you'll be able to get back on your feet because right now i'm pretty sure you're feeling insecure and you should. that reason is because you know it's not going to last. Get back to old friends you probably haven't contacted in a while. You don't need someone like that who treats you like crap.
2008-12-15 08:19:53 UTC
he has not real control over you. You are the one with the key to the lock and chains.

He's playing you like a brand new cd. You must look around and get out of this childish relationship.

He's your first and only love. You have nothing else to compare it to.

There is much better. Once you get out and find another lover, you'll be able to compare the two and chose a real man.



this character is a joke from your description.
jojer15
2008-12-15 07:13:22 UTC
Well I have been in a situation a little like that. First thing that you need to realize that you need to be able to make yourself happy before anyone else! This guy puts you down and says nasty things . . .time to let him GO! You said he's your only friend . . .that doesn't sound like a friend to me, it sounds like an ex. Do what you have to do to pick yourself up and be your own person again!
Janice
2008-12-15 07:29:21 UTC
After all the pains and heartaches this has caused you, you better break up with him and get you life back. It's better to move on NOW than see yourself unhappy in the future. You deserve so much better, you really do. You can do these: rekindle your friendship with your friends, go to some counseling (if really needed), visit your family, and most of all, PRAY for guidance.
Bridge
2008-12-15 07:13:38 UTC
Give him up..i know what is like to be in a physical and mentally abusing relationship and i also loved this guy very much and could not see myself w/out him. But enough is enough you have to stand ur ground and do whats best for you. there are many guys out there in this world that would treat you like a queen. and as for the phone calls go change ur number. the gifts give them back. you don't need to feel like scum cuz he doesn't know what he is doing
2008-12-15 07:09:10 UTC
he has a problem, he is obsessed and he needs some help, first thing you can do is go to the police and tell them he s stalking you, do not answer the phone to him or reply to any of his text messages and keep all records of what he has sent u and any voice mail messages left. but from now on do not answer his calls or texts and pleasae go to the police, if u keep answering him or texting him back he will still think u are interested and if ur not u wont get rid of him, he seriously does need some psychiatric help though and u need sme help getting rid of him

good luck...
2008-12-15 07:08:36 UTC
Hes got very low self esteem which is why hes like this -trying to make you stay with him by ruining your confidence!



I would highly recommend relationship counselling together -if he doesn't agree with this then go on your own.

This will either help you both become a strong happy couple or make you strong enough to leave x
2008-12-15 07:15:46 UTC
I'm going to make this short and sweet. Men do what they want to do. If he wanted to treat you better- he would. Talk is cheap. You are in control of your life- so what he does to you - you are letting him. Get some more self respect for yourself and walk away. Period. It will be tough in the beginning- it always is, but it's always easier to go back. What's easier for you is not always necessarily what's best.
Babezx
2008-12-15 07:09:29 UTC
you sound exactly like my best mate

well.. ex best mate, as she chose her boyfriend over me & im still waiting for her to realise what an idiot he is, which she will eventually.



theres no point asking anybody else for advice on YOUR love life

its YOUR life you have to make the decisions

only you know what you have to do

& if you can't leave him because you love him, then he must not be treating you as bad as you make him out to be. remember, the heart heals.. you will get over this guy in time. you just need to be strong and lay down the rules and make him realise what he's doing.



good luck, i hope it works out for you either way.
kezzer
2008-12-15 07:14:05 UTC
Ok sorry to sound mean but this isn't just him! you are allowing this and you said yourself you are arguing back. you say you argue back he apologize, you ever apologize back?



If you are not happy break it up that much is obvious, if you wanna be with him sounds like you BOTH need to change the way you are behaving.
SWAT_59
2008-12-15 07:21:06 UTC
this situation is crazy, sound like the guy could be dangerous, if he would keep someone else from liking you ( possessive), this looks to me like a case where he could soon physically harm you. get out of this relationship before he really hurts you HE IS CRAZY!!!! ( A ONE SIDED LOVE IS NOT a LOVEing realtionship to be in )























This tells you how to become a Christian, and how to go to Heaven





John 9:31

Now we know that God heareth not sinners: but if any man be a worshipper of God, and doeth his will, him he heareth.







John3:5



Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God .







Acts 2:36-38



36Therefore let all the house of Israel know assuredly, that God hath made the same Jesus, whom ye have crucified, both Lord and Christ.



37Now when they heard this, they were pricked in their heart, and said unto Peter and to the rest of the apostles, Men and brethren, what shall we do?



38Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost
jsandrock
2008-12-15 07:19:17 UTC
You need to leave him. With time your heart will mend. The situation is very unhealthy for you. Take some time out fr yurself for a little while. Leave him and focus on you, yu will find someone else. Remember this "He loves me he loves me not he loves me but.....I love me more."
SapphireSeaFairy
2008-12-15 07:20:50 UTC
This is a typical abusive relationship and I'm sure you haven't told us everything. If he's hit you, you definitely have to get out. But it sounds like you want to get out anyway. Where is your family? You need to get out of your place and move in with friends or family who can protect you. His abuse will only get worse, not better.
pirate_princess
2008-12-15 07:02:17 UTC
Love hurts sometimes, but your heart will mend. Time to let this one go. You don't have to take his calls not give any weight to what he says. You need a clean break to be able to start the healing process.
2008-12-15 07:12:12 UTC
He is obviously a control freak who thinks he is a scaled down version of God. To make him appreciate you fully you need to actually break up with him and not take him back for a while until he actually appreciates you
lvlyldy703
2008-12-15 07:16:24 UTC
What's wrong with girls these days...Ladies, be strong! You deserve better, find the guy that deserves you. Don't settle for someone like that. Leave him, be depressed for a while and then get over it.
melanie
2008-12-15 07:06:48 UTC
honestly, it sounds to me like you are in a seriously abusive relationship. you don't deserve to be treated this way, no one does. you need to stop talking to him, stop texting him, stop calling him, stop seeing him. just STOP. and if he won't, you need to get a restraining order. threatening you like that saying he will hurt any guy he sees you with is not cool. take care of yourself first, before you start worrying about his feelings.
Lady D
2008-12-15 07:06:59 UTC
It is ok to vent! Get your life back! Do the things that you do prior to meeting him. If you really want to move on....you know how not to answer the phone when he calls.
2008-12-15 07:16:50 UTC
I understand you love him. But don't you see he's destroying you? You have no friends, quit your job...! You need to leave him and find someone that really loves you
its likely i will say douche bag
2008-12-15 07:10:57 UTC
leave him for someone who will care about you. Love is not about isolating someone and lowering their confidence.



I have a problem. I want those 5 min back that It took me to read that question. who is gonna help me with that
2008-12-15 07:18:24 UTC
Sounds like you have a psycho on your hands.

my roommate is kind of in the same situation...and from a view point of her friend, its pissing me off to no end.

You sound like a very nice smart girl, like you know its wrong. so someone like that deserves a thousand times better. It's like i told my roommate...he is NOT going to change! this is the way he is. I basically told her you need to leave him, or stay with him and stop complaining to me about it because you chose to be with him! Its the way he is so deal with it and shutup or move on. She chose to stay with him and move on...i hope you dont. She is failing out of school, has lost all of her friends except me, she sleeps ALL DAY till ilke 2pm. We are ending our lease come spring due to this issue.



So basically what im trying to get at is...i dont want to see another girl ending up the way she is. No girl deserves to be treated like that. i understand its hard to walk away from a 2 year relationship. I've been in shitty relationships...none even compares to yours. But i dated a guy for like 1 year who NEVER made the effort to see me. The only time we saw each other was at school. i think we hung out 3 or 4 times in the course of the year. That guy played hockey and i actually met another guy when i went to his hockey game, he played the opposing team. i fell head over heals for this new guy. a week later i left my then crappy *** boyfriend and started seeing this new guy. I'm still with him today. Its been 4 years and i still am head over heals for him. we are very much in love and he treats me like a guy should treat a girl. Needless to say my ex was NOT happy since i met him at HIS hockey game and it was their "enemy" team. He basically said the same thing to me, if i cant have you no one can. blah blah blah....

he got over it...got his own girlfriend to treat like **** and moved on. It totally sucked for a while because he wouldnt leave me and my new boyfriend alone for the longest time!!! He threatned to beat up my new boyfriend at the next hockey game, and he tried to but my boyfriend just blew the whole thing off...he was very mature about it all.



i've talked enough but i think you get it ;-) you just need to move on. Dont stick with him because your fearfull of what he is going to do...that is no reason to be with a guy. It's going to be difficult to get away from him. Maybe it would be best if you blocked his number and ALL communication towards him. Move on, find someone else. Dont be one of those girls he treats like crap. You sound like your a smart girl and you dont need that.
2008-12-15 07:14:49 UTC
get this guy out of your life now. call the person who was your best mate before this idiot entered your life and organise night out - anywhere the idiot will not be and learn to enjoy yourself again . good luck !!!!
Happy!!!
2008-12-15 07:07:20 UTC
Well, I think you should break up. Sounds like he's using you. You will totally feel MUCH better without him!
Dan cfc
2008-12-15 07:03:58 UTC
Wow that was a bit of a read but i have 1 tip for you DUMP HIM NOW and find someone who really cares for you ......
2008-12-15 07:08:50 UTC
he treats you this way because yu let him...... you argue an the next minute your back together......... stop going back to him and then he wiappreciateate you more
Aoife D
2008-12-15 07:04:21 UTC
Leave him OMG leave him he sounds like the kinda guy who has you twisted arouind his little finger. it sounds like the next stage is that he will be hitting you!!
p h
2008-12-15 07:14:12 UTC
Move on.
2008-12-15 07:05:24 UTC
You need a counselor to help you through a difficult time. I know it's pricey, but it will really help. I wish you well.....
ash
2008-12-15 07:27:36 UTC
you are in my prayers
borolass4eva
2008-12-15 07:04:29 UTC
Omg Right I havnt even read it

and can u blame me its........

its like miles long



how sad must you be 2 write all of that reallyy...........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BOB
2008-12-15 07:02:00 UTC
. . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . ,.-‘”. . . . . . . . . .``~.,

. . . . . . . .. . . . . .,.-”. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .“-.,

. . . . .. . . . . . ..,/. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ”:,

. . . . . . . .. .,?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .\,

. . . . . . . . . /. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,}

. . . . . . . . ./. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,:`^`.}

. . . . . . . ./. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,:”. . . ./

. . . . . . .?. . . __. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . :`. . . ./

. . . . . . . /__.(. . .“~-,_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,:`. . . .. ./

. . . . . . /(_. . ”~,_. . . ..“~,_. . . . . . . . . .,:`. . . . _/

. . . .. .{.._$;_. . .”=,_. . . .“-,_. . . ,.-~-,}, .~”; /. .. .}

. . .. . .((. . .*~_. . . .”=-._. . .“;,,./`. . /” . . . ./. .. ../

. . . .. . .\`~,. . ..“~.,. . . . . . . . . ..`. . .}. . . . . . ../

. . . . . .(. ..`=-,,. . . .`. . . . . . . . . . . ..(. . . ;_,,-”

. . . . . ../.`~,. . ..`-.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..\. . /\

. . . . . . \`~.*-,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..|,./.....\,__

,,_. . . . . }.>-._\. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .|. . . . . . ..`=~-,

. .. `=~-,_\_. . . `\,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .\

. . . . . . . . . .`=~-,,.\,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .\

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . `:,, . . . . . . . . . . . . . `\. . . . . . ..__

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .`=-,. . . . . . . . . .,%`>--==``

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _\. . . . . ._,-%. . . ..`\.

God give us strenght!


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
Loading...