Absent father for 5 years, and he just started to show interest in seeing her. can i legally keep her from him?

Question

My daughter is now 5. Her biological father didnt see her until just after her 2nd birthday. He say her for the 2nd time about 2-3 weeks after that. Since then, he hasnt seen her. so thats another 3 year gap. He doesnt hold a job for long, and child support is sparse. $80 here and there, but never last longer than a few months. Ever since her 2nd bday her gma (his mom) has been trying to keep a relationship with my daughter. but only seeing her on the main holidays. I havent had any problems with the gma, bc its been little and few inbetween her seeing her gma. and i havnt had any problems with the biological father, bc he has never came around, called, emailed, NOTHING. Now, for the past 10 months, I have been seriously dating this guy. My daughter and my BF get along amazing, she loves him, and he loves her soooo much too. He calls her his own, and wants to be there for her and I. He wants to be in her life 100%, and said that if we ever got married, that he would absolutely adopt her. This makes me very very happy. My daughter doesnt know that 'her biological father' isnt around. she never asks or anything, she just assumes that my now BF is her daddy.

this past week, her biological father has contacted me asking me if he can see her. im not sure what his intentions are, i plan to meet with him in the next week or so to talk to him, just the 2 of us. I personally do not think that she needs him, i truly think that my daughter is better off not knowing him, and having the positive 'dad' that she has currently, my BF. there is no void, for the biological father to fill, my daughter is mentally healthy without him. I also do not want to see him. or even deal with him.

my question is, since hes been absent for 5 years, can i legally keep her from him? or do i have to let him see her? he currently has no custody, i was granted that by default. My fear is that he will fight me for custody and i cant let that happen. he again cant hold a job for long and even then its delivery jobs, he was also a hardcore pot smoker and drinker. does anyone know his rights? or mine? personally what is your opinion on how i should handle him wanting to see her?

thank you!

Answer 1

I had a similar situation many years ago. My children's absentee father, who was also my ex-husband, decided he wanted to have visitation rights just out of the blue. His interest was sparked by a woman who he was involved with who he wanted to impress AND the idea that he thought he could convince me he wanted to be a better father so I would drop the child support orders and he could pay whatever he wanted whenever. Never forget the old saying ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. He has not been around to care for his child, he has not CONSISTENTLY sent you ADEQUATE child support, he has done NOTHING for you or your child. You do not have to meet with him or even receive his phone calls. For all you know, he could be on crack. Why you are meeting with him, I'll never know. Could be you feel a sense of obligation because he is her biological dad, but look at it this way....you made the choice to get involved with someone you probably shouldn't have....you got pregnant....but God didn't punish your actions. He blessed you with a daughter, someone precious to love. Now raise her and do right by her and leave your past mistakes in the past. Allowing her to be a part of her paternal family is one thing, but being influenced and involved with a man who doesn't care about her could be detrimental to her life. If you've been blessed with another opportunity to make things right for you and your daughter and you're making better choices, keep moving forward. Please pray about this before you meet with him. You don't want to keep making mistakes.



I told my ex to contact family court if he wanted to see his children. He did, but only showed up one time. But this is my story.

Answer 2

Laws differ from state to state (in the US), but normally if you have custody, you have all the power. Technically, you usually can't "legally" keep him from seeing her, unless he's proven to be a negative influence or dangerous in some way... especially if his name is on the birth certificate. However, if there is no legal documentation concerning a visitation schedule, you don't have to be there when he comes calling for a visit, and if you are there, it's your home, your rules; if you don't want to open the door, you don't have to.

I went through a similar situation when I wanted to be a bigger part of my son's life, but ~not~ a part of my ex's. Ultimately, if you have custody and you say no dice, then that's that. Plus, if you and your current bf are talking about the future, marriage and adoption would GREATLY limit the father's options further. Also, if he persists to the point of scaring you or your daughter, you can then start paperwork with the courts that will legally prevent him from coming around (for the safety of your child, etc.... they eat that stuff up). Try not to involve the courts too much though, as sometimes it can work against you.

Your best bet is to do some research into the local laws in your area; find out definitively what each of your parental rights are, then make sure you follow those steps. There are all kinds of websites for your area concerning custody issues, etc.

Hope that helps shed a little light for you. Good luck with everything. :)

Answer 3

I seriously doubt the biological daddy could ever get custody. Their going to look at it this way> You have raised her, clothed her, loved her, taught her what she needs to know, and you've been the care giver since birth. What could they say about him> No job, drinks, drugs, doesn't care to see her much in 5 yrs of her life, and now he thinks he can waltz in and take over? Theres no way they would ever grant him custody over you. Don't worry he will get bored soon and you won't see him for another 5 years. I think he comes around once in a while when hes feeling guilty but I'd bet he doesn't want to stick around. There could be this other reason he's come back... do you think his mother told him about your bf and that your daughter calls him daddy? If so, he prob hates the thought of that even though hes like a dead beat dad. People who smoke pot are too paranoid to go to court, that to them is like walking into a police station lol. If he does bring up custody, threaten that you'll expose him for drugs and drinking, he will get scared and never follow through. I believe it will all work out in your favor. Good luck to you and your daughter : ) ps. If you think she is safe to see the biological dad, I don't see why she can't get to know him, but if you feel he still does drugs and not safe to be around you have every right to say no, and if he wants to fight that, all they need to know is that he does drugs.

Answer 4

Was the one trouble that he used to be a under the influence of alcohol? Or is he a nasty abusive individual. I might say you'll inform him to take it to courtroom, and if he does, he'll get to peer her somehow. You did inform him to come back again while he wiped clean himself up. Well he must have performed that many years in the past however a minimum of he has performed it now and also you informed him to come back again while he had. Maybe she is the rationale he's sober now. My sincere opinion is to allow your daughter see him now not for him, however for her. It could also be just a little complicated now, considering your husband is relatively her father, however at some point while she is older she might resent the truth that her father got here to peer her and also you became him away. even followed children most commonly desire to a minimum of meet their bio mothers and fathers or realize what they had been like...and if he seems to be a jerk then your daughter will notice this while she is older and she or he wont have any resentment towards you for maintaining her beyond hidden.

Answer 5

You can legally keep him from her, depending on where you live. I live in California and if a parent goes 12 straight month without seeing or supporting their child, then they're parental rights are automatically terminated. When it gets to that point, you just go to the court house and file the right papers.



THe only trouble I can think you might have is the fact that he did give you child support every now and then. It doesn't matter if its $80 or $800, the fact that he gave you money and you accepted in on behalf of your daughter might raise issues.

Answer 6

You can legally keep him from seeing her. He's an absentee father so even if you had to go to court, I highly doubt that theyd grant him visitation rights and they almost always favour the mother when it comes to custody, especially in cases like this. And trust me, it's a lot better if she never has to deal with him until she becomes an adult (or at least mid teens), then let her decide if she wants to deal with him and his bs.



But if you do marry your bf, I'd suggest not letting him adopt her. That can really complicate things, especially if the 2 of you split.