First of all.......how old are you? Also........I will post something that is long, but it's the same advice I give to anyone in your situation. Is there any way possible...that you can talk to your parents and just be honest with them???? If Not, is there another adult in your life you could talk to???? My son and I are very close.......there is NOTHING he can't talk to me about. We actually just had a long talk. Read This...........and please do not run away or kill yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am willing to take this private..................email me and I will give you my direct email address.
By the time I was 14, I had lost both parents, a half brother, all 4 grandparents. I was sexually abused by 3 different men as early as 3 years old by my mom's dad, a cousin who had kids older than me, and an uncle. My dad was killed because he was the devil himself and held guns on us and beat us every time he got drunk for NOTHING and when I was 10 my brother who was 17 shot and killed him in self defense to save us...and our mom died 3 years later. I had to protect my abusers because as a child, you don't want your daddy killing your mommy's daddy, then my brother killing my uncle. My cousin, I had completely blocked out until last year and when it surfaced back into my memory...he's lucky I have a son and can't go do what I want to do to him.......as he is the only one of the 3 still alive. I got with my son's sorry excuse for a dad and was mentally abused and damn near lost what sanity I had along with all my money and the house I paid for he sold out from under my feet and left me homeless.......my son was conceived after the breakup, not consensual....but, found out I was pregnant when I was 2 months along and was told and still am that my pregnancy was a once in a blue moon chance....my pregnancy was always wanted despite my ex and his family trying to make me have an abortion...and harassing to the point of trying to make me miscarry. My pregnancy was so high risk that not only I could die, but I could have lost my baby the second he was born. I had to quit my job and college and go on complete bedrest the last 3 months of my pregnancy. I didn't care how my baby was conceived.........no one was going to stop me from having the child I always wanted. No family, no friends.......but, alot of will and prayer!!!!!!!!!!!! The only time my ex tried to see my son was when he thought he could brainwash me---didn't work...and tried to act like he changed and wanted to be in my son's life...he thought he would kidnap my son to get out of childsupport.......I would have killed him and his wife if he took my son!!!!!!!!!!!!! My son was born with a genetic bone disease from his sorry dad's side the of the family---all the males have it...Osteogenesis Imperfecta...Brittle bones, so many fractures we lost count. Almost 2 years ago....he was almost killed by 3 kids in 8th grade and a serious car wreck that a woman with 4 kids in the car caused by running a red light speeding and hit us before we could turn, so we were completely stopped. My son had to retake the 8th grade over...he had 4 operations within 8 months. Almost 5 years ago...I was seriously injured when I slipped on black ice and flipped in the air before I came down and shattered both bones and my ankle in my left leg...was in the hospital several months, 2 surgeries, in a wheelchair 2 years...told I wouldn't walk again....But, No one tells me I can't do anything. I am in pain 24/7 but, I still walk!!!!!!!!!!!! Did I ever feel like giving up???????????? YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... All the time....when I was 17 I tried to kill myself and turned 18 a few weeks later in the hospital...after a few more weeks, I was out of the hospital struggling to graduate, but I did. After Tim left me homeless after selling my house...I prayed for God to let me die in my sleep....but, found out I was pregnant, 2 months down the road and got my will to live. When I shattered my leg, was out of my mind from pain and medication, and was 5 minutes away from killing myself...I thought my brother was trying to take my son from me. I hadn't heard from him or seen my son and I couldn't handle it. I had a lot of medication and razors and a plan and time...my brother called just in time to let me know he was sorry he hadn't got in touch with me, they were really busy and his phone wasn't working, and he didn't get my calls, until they got their phone fixed. I don't think he realizes, how close I came to destroying my son's life over something as stupid as not calling me from a payphone to let me talk to my son. My son and I are very close and feel we only have each other...in complete trust. No matter what we face in life we know...OTHERS HAVE IT WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you don't believe me, go visit the a Children's hospital.........Or a nursing home, you will get a wake up call. I know you are lonely.............you have to find something to keep you busy and make yourself strong. It may not seem like it now, but down the road, when you least expect it....that hope and ray of sunshine will come into your life like my son did when I needed him the most and give you your reason for living. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ HUGS HUN }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I've been through it all, and I still have my days, where I wonder...How in the world am I going to get through something.........But, I be damned If I will just lay down and die and give everyone who ever hurt me the satisfaction of knowing I gave up and they had a part in it. EMAIL ME ANYTIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am brutally honest and have no use for most people....but, I will give you a hand to help you up, if you want it. I HOPE YOU LISTEN TO ONE OF US OR ALL AND DON'T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... I know how cruel people are, and if anyone here says something cruel because you asked for help.......DON'T LISTEN to stupid people..........Make yourself be strong....your life is what you make of it....the sun will shine one day for you and the clouds will roll in and out, but you have to be ready for that sunshine in your future!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EMAIL ME.....IF YOU NEED TO VENT OR TALK. TAKE CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!