my virginity from a man's point-of-view?

Question

I'm a virgin (and I'm not a teenager anymore)
I didn't go further with any of the boys I dated in the past as it never felt right.
I have three issues that have been running on my mind:

1. I fear that my complete lack of experience will be a turn off for the guy I eventually choose to sleep with! I know that "if he's in love then it won't matter" but what is he does mind? I mean I won't be able to please him sexually... initially it won't be much fun.

2. I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm virgin too early on... I want him to relate to me as an individual first. But I fear that if I keep refusing intimacy (after let's say 4 or 5 dates) then he'll simply assume I don't like him so he'll lose interest.

3. I don't know any rules related to etiquette when it comes physical intimacy (cuddling, petting etc.)
so I'm scared he might find me really weird and off-putting.

Do you get where I'm coming from?

Answer 1

A guy who doesn't value your virginity isn't worth giving it to.

Answer 2

well, here is a different approach. Have you considered approaching someone that is a little older than you, and being honest with them, and having them take your cherry, in a mature and caring way. Most guys, especially if they are under 25, will only look at it as a score. Someone with a little experience under their belt will already know all of the anxieties you are faced with, your fears, the physical discomfort (potentially), and likely a way that will introduce you to the magical world of intimacies, without all of that. Once its gone, its gone... and usually when you save it for that special someone, it is actually wasted.... I lost my viginity to a much older woman when I was 14. Had it been with a peer, it would have been horrifically embarrassing, brief to be blunt, and nothing I would have wanted to remember. Instead I got an education, an excellent seduction, a wonderful experience, and knowledge that I then took forward into every relationship after that night. I am grateful for her kindness, patience, and insight to this day.... it made it ok, and took the pressure off, and to be honest, I had one up on all my buddies, because after that, I knew what I was doing and they were still fumbling around in the dark.... Just a thought for you. You could not only have a guided tour, but enjoy it, and learn from it, and be grateful for it.... but if you aren't honest with the guy, no matter who he is, or how it comes about, he won't know you are a vigin, and he won't treat you like one either.... and your first time should be very special, whether it be out of love or not..... good luck.

Answer 3

I would urge you to put such matters right out of your mind. Please don't go looking for a man to take your virginity, but look at your life as a whole. No doubt there'll come a time when you meet some great guy with whom you want to form a relationship, in which eventually sex will play a part. At this time your experience or lack of it will be little more than a talking point - and your man will very probably be glad that you are for various reasons I won't bore you with on this site.



Sex might be fun, and so may drink and drugs be, but it is enormously intimate and emotionally bonding. Casual sex – i.e. outside of a serious, deeply loving and well established relationship – almost always causes serious emotional confusion and unhappiness. The consequences are very frequently disastrous. Read the questions here - so very many are about very seriously unhappy people who had casual sex - and quite often children - when in their teens and are completely miserable as a result. This includes loss of self respect and consequently the respect of and for other people.



People fall madly in love, but the ecstasy, excitement, strong passions and desires, and high emotion are very hard to keep up, so eventually we start to come down, typically after around 18 months to three years. If people have discussed their mutual values, shared ambitions, interests, etc., in some depth (obviously there will be some differences, which help make relationships interesting), and make plans, work on their personal development, etc., this can develop into a long and wonderful relationship. If one party feels insecure or low in self respect, it can make for a difficult partner. It's easy to behave at our best when in love, but marriage involves a lot of self discipline, sacrifice, compromise and flexibility.



Teenage & 20s marriages are so very often disastrous in the longer term: it's very hard to get to know and understand others until we get to know ourselves, our own needs, etc. which are still fluctuating a bit until we are "mature" (typically women in later 20s, men mid 30s). Hence, adolescents' feelings often fluctuate somewhat. This is a very good reason for avoiding the emotionally bonding sexual intercourse, as it can so often lead to serious emotional confusion.



Please feel free to email me if you'd like to (I'm a relationships coach in England).



I wish you well!

Answer 4

Yeeeeeeeeeeeah!!! I get where your coming from! Why don't you mosey on down here to Good Ol Texas?! And, allow me to take care of that 'Issue' for you there?! I mean, you know what 'They' say, "Everythings 'Bigger' In Texas"!!! lmao jk I wouldn't find you unattrctive!!! Well, as long as you know how to cook then we'z All Good!!! lol Seriously though, don't be so hard on yourself!!! It's just a part of life! We All had to go through it at one time or the other! If I were you I'd be 'Picky' Too!!! The kicker is, that I was 18 when I gave mine up & I'm not with the one I chose at that time either! She was satisfied but, she ended up going her way eventually anyway. She was my first love and she ripped my heart out and tore it to shredz! But, we All go through 'Tough Times'!!! The 'Experience' makes us that 'More Better' for the next attempt!!! Take Care of Yourself First!!! The rest will come 'When' it comes. :)

Answer 5

its good that your a virgin, if he loves you it wont matter what you do he will still be turned on sexually and before you have sex with any one know their sexual history because if you not a teen and the older one is , their sexual history is usually greater. it wont matter when you reveal it he will probably get turned on by the facyt you still have you v card lol , wait more than 5 dates to have sex , just tell the person once your in bed with him , their are no rules just go with it , cuddle hat ever alot of people forget what sex is really for and think to much of it and get anxiety about it and preform worse ,

Answer 6

hi, your being a virgin is what will atract men more so, as when we get with a virgin it is as thou we have been and conquored where no man has been before.and as to the etiquette of physical intimacy, just go with the flow. there are NO rules, just make sure you both comunicate with each other as in what does and doesnt feel good and so on. you will find the perfect man to have the joys of a wonderful relationship with and all your worries will fall away.... enjoy.

Answer 7

look for a guy who doesn't have sex as the first thing on his mind, they are out there, trust me. i dated my wife for 5 years and we didn't have sex till we were married. she was a virgin, i lost mine when i was about 20. big mistake. saving it for someone you truly love and for someone who truly loves you is all that matters. you can learn to have sex, that's the fun part.

Answer 8

keep your lovelife secret

relax and be comfortable.

for love to be sweet it must be reciprocal.

we mirror each others feelings.

only sincerity succeeds in love.

once a sexual line has been passed it cannot be reintroduced into the relationship.

so take your time.

you will relax and enjoy when the time is ripe.

you will be ok!!

Answer 9

If someone finds you weird and off putting because you are a virgin, then they are an ****.