Writing to LDS returned missionaries?

Question

I recently found out that my RM fiance has been writing letters/emails/occasionally phone calls with some girls he met on his mission in latin america 3 years ago. I'm a non member, and I have no idea if this is normal? I happened to get the mail that day, and noticed the return addres. He showed me the letter, but it was in spanish, so I don't know what it said...other than it was signed "con amor"., covered in stickers..and he was bragging that one girl told him she is jealous of me for snagging him. I also noticed a couple emails from another girl, I don't think he knows I saw them. He's also alwasy bugging me to go back so I can meet all his friends there...help!! Should I be worried??

Answer 1

I think we can rule out polygamy for LDS these days! They are scrambling to distance themselves from it this month.



It is very common for girls in the mission field to fall hard for the boys and keep after them.



It seems very odd to me that he is getting and answering these messages without telling all about it. That isn't a Mormon problem, it's a relationship problem. I would have expected him to show you the letter and translate it for you. He should be sharing stories with you about how he met them. I don't have a problem with men who have women friends, but it has to be very open and handled with sensitivity.



In my experience it's pretty unusual for RMs to marry outside the church. It would indicate he is not real excited by the doctrines. If that is so, why is he still so attached to his mission?



Are you going to convert? How will you raise your kids? You realize if he converts them and not you, you won't even be allowed to attend their temple weddings?

Answer 2

It is normal for RM's to keep in contact with people they met on their missions - both other missionaries and those they taught. My husband went so far as to return to visit his mission field a year after he completed his mission so that he could go through the temple with one of the families he baptized.



While on a mission, these young men and women have intense spiritual experiences and grow tremendously. This often creates strong bonds between them. They develop a love for their fellow missionaries and those they teach that is very similar to sibling love.



What is unusual in your case is that he seems to be trying to hide it. My husband and other men in my family that are RM's have been very open and sharing about these experiences with their fiance/spouse. If he is hiding these from you, that is a strong indicator that he is still 'playing the field' or has doubts about the strength of your relationship. I would suggest pre-marital counseling for the two of you before you tie the knot, to make sure you are a truly compatible couple. It's much easier to end an unhealthy/dying relationship now than it will be after marriage and children.

Answer 3

Worry about your fiance. Latan American girls want to land an American guy and go to great lengths to do so. I served in Peru and this doesn't sound right. Three years after coming home and he continues to write them...sounds fishy especially with the con amor sign off. I stopped writing the girls I knew there because it was clear what they wanted from me. He likes the attention but seems to lack discretion to know to cut this off.



You're heading for trouble, deep trouble in your marriage. Faithful Mormons want nothing more than to convert their non-LDS spouse (maybe not now, but that desire will kick in) so you can be his eternal companion to make spiritual babies and him become a God. He'll feel empty at church and for him, will have settled for much less than an LDS spouse would offer in the eternities. As a faithful Mormon for many years, I knew of no LDS/Non LDS couple who were happy. All ended up wanting only to change their spouse.



I've since left the church and often run into women who want me to give them the magic formula for leading their deceived husband out of Mormonism. Mormons are spirtually blind and deeply so. The more non-LDS spouses learn about Mormonism, the more they loose respect for them. Women I know who are in this situation just shake their head at the stupidity of becoming Gods, LDS salvation by perfecting themselves or getting special ordinances, follow the prophet, time spent in callings, the judgmental culture, etc.... The more you nag, the more entrenched he'll become in his beliefs. Or if he leaves, his family will view you as the reason he lost all the blessings of the "restored gospel." You'll have become a little Satan in their eyes.



It's heartache on both sides and I doubt your marriage will survive this. He might feel tolerate now, but that normally changes. Give this some very serious thought.

Answer 4

Do you think he is going to become a polygamist? According to US law, it is called bigamy now and is illegal, if you were to press charges. If you would remember your history, polygamy was the reason Joseph Smith and his followers were driven from Indiana and Brigham Young took them to Utah. Ask him what his real intentions are. If he is seriously thinking about taking another wife or committing adultery, dump him. Either way, he will be earning judgment from Jesus when He returns and you want to be far away from it. If he won't come clean about it, then have someone translate the letter for you. I can tell you that "con amor" means "with love". You draw your own conclusions.

Answer 5

they cannot have a relationship with a gal while on a mission and mya prosue a female after the mission is over if they are attracted to them, as for the other female as well, he may be playing the feild or as you may be implying he may be a mormon player, who knows as long as he is a clean player and is not doing naything sexual with these women or writing about sexual things with these women then he can write them, until he decideds which women is the one for the temple marriage.