Question:
Why is beating a child considered appropriate while smacking a spouse is not in a domestic relationship?
anonymous
2009-04-20 11:20:16 UTC
I don't like disrespect or mistreatment of people but sometimes I wonder to myself why physical contact at times is automatically reported as abuse while at other times it it just considered doing one's job. I used to get smack with a belt repeatedly when I was growing up and I find it odd how a mom doing that when a child does something the parent doesn't like is anymore acceptable than a man smacking his wife for not having dinner ready. Sure they are both adults and stuff but really physical contact meant to cause pain as far as I'm concerned well that's just not proper because it teaches violence solves problems and it encourages venting anger in destructive ways upon the human species. Hurt someone else because you feel hurt. A parent can slice it however they want and say it was for the child's own good that hey smacked him with a switch or a belt mutliple times while he cried but if he goes outside and gets cornered and happens to beat the bully so bad he is bleeding even if he claims self defense he might be charged with battery and assault just because of the extent of the injuries. That's whacky human psycholgocial reasoning to me using any reason as an excuse to hurt another physically. A mom can beat her child and claim it was discipline but the second a man put his hands on her she will scream rape. It's really wierd and I haven't even gotten around to the yelling and screaming that goes on while the child is being beaten. Even if the parents says I'm doing this because I love you and you have to learn, she or he is still yelling in an angry tone "Don't you ever do that again do you hear me?" with every smack against the buttocks. It hurts just the same as sraping an elbow or getting burned with hot water. All the same it teaches you will get punked if you don't obey others, maybe even killed, so do as you are told if you want to live no matter how inconvenient. That's kind of what it teaches to me. If I ever become a parent I'm going to be calm, kind, and reasoning and I'm going to avoid showing my anger to avoid teaching the child it is an excuse to bust up anyone who makes you mad. Parents can beat the child but then the cops will arrest the child if he beats anyone else up. Kind of like teaching a kid to use force to get their way as far as I'm concerned and if the child has no fear of pain it physical discipline certainly won't stop them from doing whatever they feel like or saying whatever they want due to free will. That is something I am sure every parent knows subconsciously: their child wants their way and is assertive and must be released to live their life and do as they please (unless they want the child coming back to them as an adult asking for permission for everything they want to do - college classes, buying a car, hanging with friends). Discipline is meant to teach but when physical pain is used as the means I think it can either mold the child toward dependency or resentment, passive or aggressive in nature. The parents will either be annoyed that their adult children refuse to grow up and make their own choices or the parents will become so irritated and fed up with the rebellion that the children continue to use to force the issue. I am 23, but since I am afraid of my mom's disapproval I often submit to avoid arguing or just a hostile environment overall because I hate being in a hostile area with flairing tempers, harsh words, and physical force. Age doesn't matter either because even adults get scared at times.
Eleven answers:
anonymous
2009-04-20 12:16:14 UTC
Well, you have some really good points there that I've thought of MANY MANY times!

I'm not sure what you final conclusion is..

But I agree, that it's sort of ridiculous for it to be bad for adults to hit each other, but hitting an innocent child is okay. I think hitting and violence shouldn't be allowed, no matter what. Hitting a child just teaches it to either.. rebel and be worse and be a violent adult... or teaches them to not trust people and be afraid.



Seriously, I think if people think it's okay to "discipline" children like that.. then well that's just really messed up.



If I'm ever a parent I plan to be incredibly patient and calm and not violent ever. Because it's soo beyond wrong.
Aunt Bobo
2009-04-20 11:34:05 UTC
Getting beat with a belt as a child is not right. But a child is still very young and is still learning and they do need some discipline to every now and again. But it is wrong to hit with an object. Using an open hand to pop a child on the butt to tell them they were bad I don't think is wrong. I myself put my child in time-out against a wall when he is bad. If someone beats a child all the time because they think it is the best thing for them to learn then that is abuse too.

Beating a women who is grown up is abuse and no matter what the situation is, is never right. It means you have no respect for women or yourself and you are controlling.

If you feel so strongly about not using physical contact to fix a problem then good for you. Physical contact in adults is wrong.
thatartistwin
2009-04-20 11:29:19 UTC
I completely agree with you regarding the use of violence against a child. I am sorry you got beaten like that as a child. I was hit frequently myself. The sad thing to me is that many parents will hit their children and claim it is to teach them and because they love them. I find this to be preposterous. If they had to tell the truth they would have to admit they hit their children out of anger and frustration because they are weak and incapable of solving issues in another manner. I do not agree with spanking even on a minor level. I think that the true love of a parent comes from patience and communication.
anonymous
2009-04-20 11:45:11 UTC
Put yourself in your kids shoes for awhile, and see if you would like

to get smacked, hit, pushed, shouted at, I am sure that your

answer would be NO, so why mistreat something you say you

love with all your heart, there is a much better way of correcting

your children such as, a time out for 15 mins or so, taking things

away like toys, etc,,, tv, cell phone, until they learn the house

rules, but only take away these things for afew days or aweek,

this way there is NO VIOLANCE for these kids to endure.



Also talk to them and let them know, why something is being

taken away, so they will know what they did wrong, this is

called good parenting,
craig.winter41
2009-04-20 11:40:01 UTC
Personally, I've always wondered what would happen if a child didn't understand the message the parent was trying to convey by spanking them. I don't disagree with spanking, but it's never been my choice of punishment. The message intended might get confusing when a parent displays anger when spanking. It's almost like teaching your children to hit someone if you're angry with them. I'm not trying to judge whether it's right or wrong, it's just not my cup of tea.
ferochira
2009-04-20 13:29:07 UTC
First of all, you are more than aware of the difference between abuse and spanking.

It is all clearly defined by law and anything other than a parents hand is considered a weapon. Nor is spanking illeagal "but" it can only be done with the hand and on the butt, anywhere else or with anything else is assult.

And the reason your mother got away with it is because "you" did not pick up the phone and report it.

The law always goes way overboard, same goes for most adults.

The reason child experts have stopped commenting is because as they've said "Parents are more out of control than the kids, anything the experts say or give advice is taken way out of context and ridiculesly stretched out of proportion.

Example: Every kid lies, it's part of being a kid and learning right from wrong.

So when experts said believe your child in relation to sexual abuse, they explained a small kid using adult words/descriptions to sexual exploits or body parts is a dead give away and that child should be believed.

But the law and parents/adults everywhere, got right out of control and convicted ppl on a childs word alone for everything. And what of the whole daycare center owners, families and employees 38 in all sentenced to prison for 15-20yrs on out rages accusations of child abuse.

Devil worship, dressing up in costumes, rape of 3 and 4yr olds by full grown men like that wouldn't leave a mark or signs is totally ridiculas. Once these kids grew up and told the truth that cops had told them what to say/put words in their mouths and against who.

"NOTHING" was done, because only "ADULTS" lie, no kid has ever told a lie!!! Fact is, there are many many in jail with these accusations and when the truth finally comes out, they ***'s are still in jail for yrs.

And when the law does realize they have made a mistake and free's them, the aid doesn't give back their kids thats another 6yr $40.000 up front for the lawyer fight, the law does not correct the damage it's done, nor do they charge those who actually are guilty, ESPECIALLY cops who are suppose to up hold the law, most are no better than criminals.

And as far as abusive parents go, "what goes around, does come around" studies have proved that not only is elder parent abuse on the rise, but these are the same adult kids that were taught as children to handle problems/frustration physically.

Yes, my friend, what you teach your kids only comes back to your own doorstep when their too old to handle it or protect themselves.

Studies also prove that a boy raised without a father, or even a grandfather who can step in and take dads place, a kid who's never seen how a dad acts are more likely to abuse his kids. They are more likely to desert their families, not hold jobs well, have no clue as to child rearing, are more stressed/frustrated with kids and don't handle life to well at all running from one woman to another and having "more" kids only to repeat the damage and pay child support to none.

One must remember, that every little kid in the worlds first example of how to be a parent, how to behave, how to rear kids/run a household,

how to handle problems and the difference between right and wrong, is all set by example. To a child, a parent is never wrong, has all the answers, knows what their doing, we know for fact even an abused child will lie for their parents especially if their told the law will take them away, that's how a parent often gets the kid to lie by scaring them to death with being taken away and that's more terrifying than any beating could ever be.

As for domestic violence a new study came out last Sept that says for all those charged with domestic violence against women, less than half are true.
Elledani
2009-04-21 09:23:26 UTC
the difference is that the child is being corrected. THe spouse is an adult and make descisions for themselves. All children reach an age where they don't need corporal punishment after a time. The rule is do not punish in anger.
stone
2009-04-20 11:36:51 UTC
have you ever heard the term, spar the rod, spoil the child? as a parent you will find that often times you must discipline your child, if not, the child well feel it can do as it pleases and will have that outlook on every thing it does. this in its self can be bad for both you and the child. if you love you child you will teach them right from wrong.
anonymous
2016-04-03 07:25:05 UTC
Yes, I got a few smacks on the legs as a young boy in short trousers, but only when I deserved it. I'd say it did me good, taught me right from wrong etc.
christinamh86
2009-04-20 11:32:15 UTC
I do not think that you truly understand what is acceptable. Just because your mom used to "smack {you} with a belt repeatedly" does not mean that it is okay or acceptable. If anyone is ever to touch another person and actually leave a mark on them it is illegal.
anonymous
2009-04-20 11:24:24 UTC
Have you ever babysat a child who never got spanked??? Now you know why it is appropriate!


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