Is It Wrong for A Mother To Wish Her Teen Daughter's Boyfriend Would Break Up With Her?

Question

I am feeling guilty and "two faced" because although I try to maintain a good relationship with her and talk to her about her boyfriend like everything is okay inwardly I wish he would just go away. I just don't feel like he is good enough for her and I hoped she would see that for herself but after 6 months they are still together. He and his dysfunctional family do nothing to help support the relationship. We feed, transport, and provide entertainment for him and he is not very grateful. One evening after providing all of the above he declared he was "bored". Although he is very nice looking-big, blonde and built-he is so emotionally immature and all he does is play video games. He never calls her but only texts. And I think the final straw for me was this past weekend when he did not even buy my daughter's homecoming ticket or pay for her meal and I know his mother begrudgingly gave him money to do so. I think he pocketed the money so he could buy a video game. Although my daughter is beautiful, smart, athletic and personable, she struggles with depression and an eating disorder and when things are not right between them she goes into a downward spiral. This is the second time they have dated and when she broke up with him the first time he and his friends literally made her life a living hell. I begged her not to get back with him but she did anyways. I don't think she is really happy with him but is afraid to break up for fear of what happened last time and she thinks one of her friends will go after him. I don't know what to say to her anymore. I know I should just sit back and let it take care of itself but I dread having to once again pick up the pieces that this kid leaves behind. Any suggestion or comments?

Answer 1

It's not wrong to wish their relationship would end. You can see things she doesn't see, and with a more trained eye. Because of the low self-esteem you describe, she might think having a good-looking boyfriend will make her feel more successful, than having one who is wonderful to her. If she feels low, she may not think she deserves the 'nice guy'.



The best thing you can do is what you've already done - be there for her, listen when she needs you. That's good mothering and I wouldn't call it two-faced, because all moms have to hold their nose in secret when their kid is dating a bum. She will come to the realization that he sucks all on her own, and you will be there for her as you always have. You don't, however, have to pay for their entertainment - that's too much! He is not appreciative and ending it now will send him a message, whether he likes it or not.



I would say that it wouldn't hurt to encourage her to seek counselling, too, because if it really helps her she will ditch this guy faster than you can say Nintendo.

Answer 2

Perhaps i am just half your age now. But i am going through almost the same thing your daughter is(although i am a guy and the problem i have is that her parents disapprove of me for no apparent reason). Look ma'am, firstly you sound a little protective, which you may not be either:). BBut the fact that she has had a phase of depression made me feel that way because even i am in a kinda depression now because both our parents strongly disapprove of our relation though we both need each other so much....

Anyways i will get back to your question. well, before anything try giving this guy a final shot and try to see if he has some good and pleasant qualities in him because remember, noone is born bad:)

also let your daughter breathe some freash air and let her get a taste of real-life, unedited, period! not that i want you to let go of her life and give her total freedom, but respect the fact that she sees this guy as suitable for her. but wcs, tell your daughter the stuff you feel about her bf in a very sweet and caring way. Stressing on that because i know how it feels to go through rough patches without a parent's support.

Answer 3

NO it's not wrong, you care about her. Honestly this opened my eyes, now I know I how my mom felt when she HATED my b/f. The only thing you can do is help her with her self esteem. It's obvious that it's not very good because she has an eating disorder and shes staying w/ this jerk of a guy. Just let her know shes beautiful and she deserves sooo much better, but don't force your opinion on her. Thats where my mom went wrong. She made me miserable. Try to introduce her to new people and places she might like. Also if she thinks her friends will run after this guy if she breaks up w/ him THERE JERKS and not her freinds anyways! She also could use a true friend who will keep her busy and help her have fun, and keep her mind off of things if she was to break up w/ him.



Good Luck

Answer 4

You are living a nightmare that many of us go through. NO it is not wrong to wish the best for your own child.

The one thing you could do is stop facilitating a bad relationship. If they want to date then it's up to them to provide the way--that's the way it's always been. Most likely, the boy is just young and definitely not mature enough to think straight--maybe he'll mature-up as he ages or maybe your daughter will see through this relationship.

One more thing, you are a good loving parent and you will spend many days "picking up the pieces" because the kids have to learn their way what's acceptable or not.



Father of a 20 yr. old and 17 year old..

Answer 5

wow tough one.

all you can do is be there for your daughter!! you sound like a great mom. this guy really sounds like a jackass... i woudl take away the transport and entertainment.. you can still feed him but nothing great just go about your usual home life and perhaps he will move on. its tough for your daughter and i know she got back him before but perhaps she just needs you to say honey im right behind you.. your not happy dump him and find someone else. is there a fmaily friend a cute friends son or something that can take her out and cheer her up after the break up. i kow this is trashy and not what you are suposed to do but if it was me id be asking my sons to take him aside and tell him if he doesnt break up with her they would be breaking his legs..

painful for your daughter in the start but be better in the long run.



WHATEVER YOU DO MAKE SURE SHE HAS PLENTLY BIRTH CONTROL, THATS THE LAST THING OYU NEED A HER PREG TO THAT DOUCHE.

Answer 6

i think of you're certainly top. I (as a 14, almost 15, 12 months previous teenage daughter) besides as my sister (sixteen, almost 17) at the instant are not aloud to this element until eventually we are 17. or perhaps then my mothers and fathers could meet the boy and it must be a team date with 3 or extra different couples. while a teenage female gets pregnant i think of the mothers and fathers are ashamed, that's why they are stricter with their daughters than sons. yet while a guy loses his virginity there's no thank you to tell. I understand my mothers and fathers' (besides as different mothers and fathers') attitude in this matter. however, I do experience mothers and fathers could additionally be strict with their sons while it is composed of courting, even inspite of the actuality they'd't get pregnant. not less than, practice your son to not get a woman pregnant. yet yeah, mothers and fathers are unquestionably extra strict with daughters than sons while it is composed of courting.

Answer 7

Its not a bad thing to wish the best for your daughter. But its her choice, you need to let her live this one on her own and figure things out for herself. I mean if she ever wants to talk about it, listen. He sounds a little immature, girls always mature faster than boys do. But i believe things will work out to the best. And you need to support whatever decision she makes, and let her know you will always be there for her.

Answer 8

back off i have found out they like him more if you don,t like him let her make up her on mind,