Question:
Why do women complain, almost all the time?
PleasureExpress
2008-04-29 10:47:35 UTC
My husband asked me to ask this question. I tried to tell him I don't complain, much. So my husband wants to know what you think, do women complain to much?
Eleven answers:
anonymous
2008-04-29 21:22:57 UTC
Some women do complain an awful lot. To answer your question simply...Its because women are totally different from men. For example: If a woman goes to church, when she gets back she immidiately goes to her man and describes the entire day with him, going into detail about the church service. If a man goes to church when he comes back the woman asks him how was church? He will reply with one word "good" and that would be the end of it. Women differ from men in that women take the time to explain everything with more words involved. Men try to "sum up" or paraphrase the question. Therefore to men, women seem to be complaining but are really just using a lot of words to describe something in which men would take just a few words to describe. get it?
Maloy5
2008-04-29 11:15:07 UTC
I consider us women to be more than equal to men. We are smarter, more dependable and less prone to making impulsive mistakes than men maybe because we are more family-oriented. Basically, women take care of the household even in this day and age where both spouses need to work to earn a decent income. So, aside from going to work outside the home, we still have to get home early enough to cook and clean. And this gets heavier when the children start coming into the picture. What used to be housewifely chores now becomes a burden. If both spouses can afford to take in a maid, well and good. But if money is a problem and worse, the husband doesn't do his part and help in the household chores, discipline the kids, take out the garbage, fix the faucet, etc., the wife will certainly complain and who does she complain to? The husband of course! Both spouses has to sit down and write down all the complaints and map out a working plan to address them. If the husband is understanding and really loves the wife, he will be willing to do this. Now, if the husband works hard to earn a living and the wife does nothing but stay in a modest but comfortable home and look pretty all day, no kids to bother her, and still complains, i think both better go see a couples counselor or something quick.
Little Ollie
2008-04-29 12:29:48 UTC
That's a good one coming from a man. Guys whine and complain constantly. They have a little headache, whimper, whine, the traffic was bad coming home, whine, whine, the dog barks, complain, complain, the power goes out, moan, complain. I honestly don't think that men realize that they are chronic complainers because they're too busy focusing on their wives shortcomings so that they can complain that the wife is complaining too much. By the way, tell your husband that he's a good guy if he's willing to be picked on by all the women on YA.
WhOa ThErE
2008-04-29 11:01:18 UTC
Seems like I'm the only man answering this one huh. I'm settingmy self up for failure but oh well...



Personally I think women and men complain equally, but a women will make it more vocal than a man. As a man I know i just have an "F" it attitude. So if something bothers me I try to ignore it because complaining doesn't accomplish anything. I think women are just more vocal about their problems. And ya'll know that your man will try to accomodate for you if you are comlaining...scheming she-devils. lol. j/p
sandra m
2008-04-29 13:28:46 UTC
i complain because i don't like to be the only one doing stuff in the house, i work all day and go to school at night i don't feel like cooking or doing the dishes when i get home, if hes home why won't he just help?
chloerules4eva
2008-04-29 10:53:41 UTC
No. guys r just retarded :P

next time he complains, ask him 2 come on here and ask why MEN complain so much!
Green means go ;]
2008-04-29 10:52:43 UTC
men usally dont listen but when they do they probably just hear the complaining but women listen most of the time
Susan C
2008-04-29 10:55:06 UTC
Because men are stupid. We have to tell them everything to do! That is why we complain!!!!
shortmama7j
2008-04-29 10:50:43 UTC
Men complain way more than women do!!!!!!!!
becky r
2008-04-29 10:52:17 UTC
it not that we complain, its just we like things to be a certain way and we are way more open minded about everything....if guys were to be open minded i think they would complain alot more to us....
Logics bar
2008-04-29 23:29:04 UTC
Maloy5, that is an incredibly egotistical thing to say, and unless you are acting off of some sort of statistical data it seems a very unfair generalization. more/less comparison like that shouldn't even be made since you are creating a system with a measurement standard anyway. Any scoring system I know of either favours men (SAT for instance) or is debated as no discernable difference, but this could easily be socially accountable. As for dependability? who knows, I do know this though, I have met far more men that are concerned with their own honor, and meeting timelines than women. Though there have also been two instances where I have given out general tasks and the only people that performed were females. Hmmm... I wonder if there are gender tendencies toward situational dependencies, I get the impression of a greater male tendency toward the honoring of contracts, and a female tendency toward honoring people. Task/individual prioritization, it would fit with evolutionary ideologies, the whole woman takes care of children, man brings home meat. It also fits with certain hormone patterns present in the two, I read an excellent article on how men have "watchdog" hormones while women have "mother bear" hormones.



Complain too much, or all the time is a preference thing, some might say that even a single complaint is too many. I argue it isn't neccessarily the complaint, it's how it's phrased. Which is to imply that it isn't neccessarily about the amount of complaints, but the "visibility" of them. If a complaint comes off as a dissaproval it can be hurtful, but if it addresses an issue more directly, or is encouraging for improvement it doesn't get the same sort of "complaint" labeling. I would argue for greater subverbalness in male dissaprovals, more brow-beating, and ignoring, that's part of the dissaproval process in that they won't even recognize you, and I would argue men have a tendency toward that in a greater fashion.



This being said, it could be that women create the "illusion" of greater complaining because it is more verbalized. But I believe this was already covered.



As for some inductive research let me tell you a story.



In general most of my associations are women, they are in general more social which makes it convenient, and they are just as reliable as men, though there does seem to be a slight tendency toward more interaction when working with women. They can't just be given a task and be left independant as much, which honestly can be a great thing because it keeps motivation up, and communication going. But that's an aside.



Here let me go through my contact list and see what I find, and see what I can tell you about their behaviour tendencies. You can skip ahead to see the conclusions, this part isn't entirely neccessary.



Female 1: When I met her I was looking for someone to complain with, strike her she doesn't count.

Male 1: Brags, complains, repeat. He's been a bit miserable lately, normally he jokes a lot more.

Female 2: Barely speaks to anyone beyond superficial conversation, complains to some degree when she wants something or it doesn't go her way. This is arguably just a sign of being unhappy.

Male 2: Ussually talking about project stuff and what he wants to do next, occassional complaint regarding some things he is afraid of, but given stability I would expect few complaints.

Male 3: The only time I have ever really heard him complain is when his girlfriend cheated on him and left him. Normally the only complaints he makes are made jokingly.

Female 3: There is a complaint right there in her subline, I don't think I've had a single conversation with her that didn't have a complaint in it. She's lead a tough downtrodden life, and she's bitter from it.

Female 4: She's actually quite nice and bubbly, I've heard some complaints in a few instances, but I've also seen her be very generous in regards to positively talking about people, she even pulled me out of a situation where I was allowing myself to regurgitate the complaints of others.

Male 4: Extremely insecure guy, he's afraid to share his interests, feelings, etc. But you give him a chance to complain and he goes all out, I argue because he's unhappy with the world and doesn't know how to change it.

Female 5: Don't know her very well, never really seen her complain, last time she talked to me was just because I seemed to be in a spot.

Female 6: A few complaints, which were very serious and she shrugged off, and a few that were completely unfair, but most of the time, she's pretty happy.

Female 7: I think she contacts me almost only because she has something to complain about or is interested in me dominating the conversation. Chronic depression.

Male 5: Never heard much of a complaint out of him, though I don't think I have ever heard anything non-superficial out of him. It's always parties, sun, and how great everything is.

Male 6: One of the most mature people in my list, a few grumbling worries. actually a lot of conversation for him seems complaint oriented, it's not painful nagging complaint, but rather "this is the problem" style complaint. Some of it seems to do with task completion behaviour where he is recognizing problems to solve. This aren't very "visible" complaints.

Female 8: She's the "holds things in until she explodes" type so not many complaints, but when they are there they are loud.

Male 7: Not a heck of a lot of complaints, ussually just gushing about his new wife (which I may just happen to encourage). What he does complain about are things he's interested in changing.

Female 9: Don't hear her complain next to at all, mostly just good news and topics of interest, but I'm on her "maintain face" list, so she keeps me out of any serious issues out of fear of looking bad, so I can't say.

Female 10: One of the most celebratory people I have ever met, and one of the most burdenned. She knows happiness like noone else, and has had to carry intense amounts. She's got a lot to complain about, but she fights it well.

Female 11: Lot's of miserable complaints, and then a whole lot of nothing.

Male 8: Brags, complains, talks about interests, jokes, quick to talk down and dismiss, and quick to speak well of and admire. But a little detached in both instances. Loves to rant.

Male 9: Complaint and judgement occur, but normal conversation ussually revolves around story telling.

Female 12: Wonderfully uplifting women, she has taken the philosophy of "only good things in life" I don't think I've heard much of a complaint out of her ever.

Female 13: Not much in regards to complaints, quiet observer tends to see other peoples mistakes and then avoids them. Though she tells the occassional "story that she is sad about". Passive, but otherwise a very happy person.

Female 14: Constantly complaining, I don't think I have heard her ever say a nice thing about anyone. Unless they happen to be bragging about her at the time, does not know how to 'turn the other cheek' at all. Often won't even get into subjects unless it is something she can complain about.

Male 10: Average complainer, annoying part of his personality is the putting down of others in order to build himself up and shifting of blame.

Female 15: Not so much complaint as venting of negative stories.

Male 11: Cannot say, he's changed a lot but it used to be just excitement from him.

Female 16: Complaint junky, rough situation, rough life, but is also very sweet and uplifting about a lot of things.

Male 12: I don't think I have ever heard a single complaint... no wait there was one, once. Very much a deal with the situation, and joke about everything else kind of guy, a bit of insecurity tending to hide what he's afraid of. But otherwise extremely positive.

Female 17: Doesn't complain really, just runs away from situations so that she has nothing to complain about.

Female 18: Never heard her complain once, ever.

Male 13: Often complaining about something, ussually political, not a lot of positivity.



That's enough, so let's see what we have.

Males:

4/13 negative complainers

4/13 task oriented complainers

4/13 generally positive people

1/13 No Idea



Females:

5/18 negative complainers

5/18 vascilating complainers

8/18 Distanced, or positive

1/18 Unnaccounted for



Well, it's a very small sample, but I argue we can see here that we don't have much of a stronger penchant for complaining. It's just a feature of women being louder about it. Why are they louder about it? Well, I think there may be a matter of, and I think someone adressed this earlier. "I complain something gets done about it, and this is how I get that complaint taken care of." while with men, complaints take the form of "this is what is wrong, and I need you as a sounding board so I know what to do about it."



This is the impression I get with the rather limited data I have at my personal disposal.



I hope it was useful.


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
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