How do I get my best friends Respect back?

Question

When I was 14 I was separated from my family after abuse from my step-dad and put in a foster home. This had a pretty obvious effect on me, mainly that I was lonely, confused, angry and the usual stuff.. but I dealt with it and tried to get on with my life.

When I was 18 and had just left college, in the area I lived in where everybody knew each other, a 14 year old lad started to hang around with my group. He too was in a foster home.

We all had a laugh and he was kind of like the little cheeky one of the group, and I took him under my wing because I felt I could really relate to him and look out for him. We became really close like brothers and spent a lot of time just messing around, chatting about the world, and just being young I guess.

Six month flew by, he turned 15 i turned 19, and we kind of become like best mates, although I would say more like brothers because of the age gap and the fact he looked up to me. We spent a lot of time alone or with a couple of other mates, and he was even sneaking out at night.

Then his foster parents told him they'd had enough of him and he was moved away. In the moment I was so gutted I couldn't even say goodbye to him, like I was kind of in denial he was going any where and yet I also felt sort of responsible for him like I should do something to stop them moving him away, but I couldn't.

I was lost and really really missed him and kind of felt bad and embarrassed about that, and my life kind of went down hill. I went into self-destruct mode and got kicked out of my shared house, stole from work and got sacked and lost friends because I didn't really care about any of it and needed to lash out.

I didn't lose touch with him as such, we just didn't see or speak to each other that much, but I thought about him every day right up until today.

He came to stay at my new place in January of this year for 3 weeks, and we had a really good time but no proper chats, because it was too hard to know what to say, except I did tell him I love him to bits and he said it back. We had one argument on the last night before he left in which we were both drunk and there were lots of people in there. I lost it and started throwing everything I could grab hold of (my own stuff) like my microwave and glasses. And it was all the stupid fact he took my drink out of my hands and started drinking it, and all that day I was thinking how I just want to tell him how much I care about him but I couldn't, so instead for some reason I just flipped???!!

Then as though things aren't bad enough I went and confided in a complete stranger (a guy friend of his who incidentally had come on to him in the past) and said I think i'm in love with him. The guy was more than happy to tell him and now I fear I have f**ked our relationship up forever. Its like the unforgivable sin is to feel romantically about him. Thinking about it now I think I just love him, full stop. Romantic and sexual interest just isn't important, and was something I got carried away with in my moment of emotional confusion.

We haven't spoken properly since and I've been reading on his Facebook that he's in a bad way, like not eating and I know he's taking drugs and stuff, and he also hangs around with like 40 year olds who get him into robbery and he's only 18!

It kills me not seeing or speaking to him, I would do anything for the guy he really is like a little brother, yet its hard to explain who he is to people who don't get that and understand its not gay. I can't do anything and have lost my touch with him and its eating me up because i'm actually starting to question my own sexuality...... and i've just started seeing a psycotherapist; she says i'm getting depressed

Answer 1

after those ELEVEN paragraphs - (trust me, i counted, but only once since i didnt want to repeat of how long this thing was :O and all) - i think ur question has changed...



u want to go to the kid and say ur sry for wat u did on that last night and u want him and u to be brothers like old times, but after a few years (4 years?) he started to change with wat his "mentor" had taught him.



ur blaming urself for all of this, but honestly, i dont think it was that bad. if u had just gone and seen him right after that night, u could have made things all better, but u just didn't. that kid was lucky to have u there in the first place and without u he would have been in a worse shape than now.



just a question, but have u EVER stopped doing drugs? if u had and u went over to him now, with no drugs that have been anywhere near ur sight for weeks, a well-paying job, some new friends, and an apology, he might just listen to u. he might not. we all know how hard it is to get rid of bad habits, including drugs. its going to take u a WHOLE lot of work ahead of u to put him on the right path again, but the longer u wait, the longer he'll have gone the wrong way.

Answer 2

Tell him all this. You will feel better for it I know it is hard for us guys to open up in person but it is time now. You have had a hard life do not make it any harder. It is just a lot of raw emotion and it is up to him to make right his own mistakes maybe with your help. That does not mean its your fault.

Answer 3

admire is earned, this is not a given factor. in line with threat those human beings do no longer deserve your admire. How can somebody be to super?? in case you do the main suitable issues, it particularly is act respectful in circumstances and tutor admire for others, then you definitely've admire. in line with threat those so pronounced as acquaintances do no longer understand what admire is. All you're able to do is be your self, you won't be able to make human beings such as you. admire starts with your self, in case you admire your self then you definitely admire others. i think of that's what's erroneous with the numerous adolescents of on the instant they have no self-admire. supply up irritating approximately friendships, they'll come and flow with time, be genuine to your self. admire your self.