Who is top priority? Spouse or kids?

Question

Who do you think should be more of a top priority your spouse or your kids?

Your spouse is with you for life - you raise kids for like 20 years and then they make their own lives so I believe your spouse is top priority. I have asked some coworkers about this and they are blood is thicker than water. I see some women, after getting their baby out of him, literally giving the man the same status as the family pet.

What do you think?

Answer 1

Spouse. Women you relegate their husband to a lower status once the baby is born are heading for trouble. Certainly it takes time to get a baby into a routine and to learn how to meet a baby's needs. This is especially true for first time mothers.



However, the best gift a child can receive is to see a happy and loving relationship between his/her parents. Dr. Phil also has this opinion, so if your wife likes Dr. Phil, she may listen to him (if she won't listen to you). Check out his books (not sure which one this advice would be in -- perhaps "Relationship Rescue") and if necessary, buy it for the 2 of you to read together.



Save your relationship and your family and do the right thing. Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

This is an interesting question. I think it should be both your kids and your spouse. But if I had to make a choice between the two it would be my children.



I Honestly feel a husband and wife should work together putting their children and each other first and top priority.



Men and women alike leave and forget about their children who do not ask to come into this world.



Its not right to forget your husband or your kids in a relationship and both can lead to serious problems.



Set aside time for you and your husband alone; like a date nite, and plan things that your family can all do together is a good combination.



Remeber, even though your children may make their own lives later they are gonna do so by seeing how you and your husband brought them up and someday bring your grandchildren to raise like you have shown them.



They will always be apart of your life. I wish you the best. You are truelly blessed and I hope you see that. My daughter died at as a newborn and I would give anything in this world to have her alive and well. Now Ive got an EX-Husband I have nothing to do with and remarried again. Happy Holidays.

Answer 3

Both are important. However, kids need looking after because they can't look after themselves - not for a while anyways. Parenthood, like a lot of things in this world, is forever.



Having said this, it's extremely important not to forget or neglect your spouse. The kids may be the priority, but your spouse needs some loving too. Whoever is at home with the kids needs a break, and whoever is away from the house (at work?) needs a chance to catch up.



It is probably better to describe the situation as "different priorities at different times"...

Answer 4

The kids must be raised properly by both parents, but I feel your spouse is your top priority. If your spouse is taken care of, the kids will naturally follow. But, it is a two way street. The man cannot make his wife top priority, and the wife make it the kids. They must be on the same page. Ask kids who are old enough, and they would want their parents to take care of each other.

Answer 5

I know a woman who wanted kids but not necessarily a husband. Eight years later she had 3 kids and an ex-husband. I agree though spouse is more important. In addition to your reasoning, a spouse comes first, ideally anyway. Your kids will share half the genetic material of your spouse so a reliable, trustworthy spouse is a top priority. Your spouse you have more control over in choosing. What children you have is already half determined by their genetic makeup.

Answer 6

well I think that children are a first priority, but a frequent mistake that couples make is forgetting to maintain a relationship with each other, that doesnt involve their children, because once th kids are gone, they are gone, and what are you going to do sit around and just stare at each other like...who are you, people change, just remind your spouse that you are still there, support them too and support your kids, if the kids are still small dont take it personally because children need all the attention, or else they do something crazy. Just remember to maintain a relationship not just in the bedroom either, throw sparks at them even when they are there cleaning up the childrens mess. good luck

Answer 7

i think that's an impossible question to answer...and it shouldn't ever have to come up. really, kids are a priority in some ways, but since both parents should feel equally about that, they'll be able to give kidswhat they need and still give each other what they need. it's hard though for new mothers because growing a human being inside of you and then being put in charge of making sure that little person is healthy mentally, physically, and emotionally until they've grown up, and then still being their whenever they're needed changes a woman. plus, you said that kids are only around for 20 years? and spouses are for life? have you noticed how common divorce is now? spouses may not be forever, but you create a child, and that child is part of your life until you die.

Answer 8

I'm responsible for taking care and providing for my child. I love her more than anything on Earth and would do anything for her, including die for her. She is the reason why I live life the way I do.



That being said, I believe the covenant of marriage means that I must love my wife as Christ loved the Church - which means in an immeasurable way. I do love my wife very much, and even though I find a natural connection to my daughter, I would have to put my wife above my daughter in the way you have described it. We're not talking "who would you choose to let die" or something silly like that. I'm talking about how I manage life and how I set priorities. Children are supposed to go off on their own one day, but I shall always be married to my wife.

Answer 9

They are both top priority. You have to make time for him after the kids are in bed. That is where timing comes in handy and that is where the parents have to work together to raise the kids so they can have time together. You shove him aside and forget he needs you to then you lose him maybe to another woman.

Answer 10

Undoubtedly the spouse is top priority. In fact, in some households family pets get a royal treatment...think about that...

Answer 11

Family is top priority. Kids are not separate from your spouse, you are a family as a whole. If you mistreat your spouse, you're not doing the best you can for your kids.

Answer 12

perhaps the blood is thicker than water cliche is the reason that we have such a high divorce rate. You have obligations to both your children as well as your spouse. aside from the basic necessities your spouses needs should always come before the children an amazing thing occurs when that happens. The childrens needs are automatically taken care of

Answer 13

Depends on the situation. In most cases I say my daughter is my NUMBER 1 priority. She lives with her dad right now, but I would drop everything if she needed me. My boyfriend would do the same for his kids.

Answer 14

Your spouse-- your marriage-- is the foundation upon which everything else in your life is built. Children are certainly an important part of the BIG picture, but putting your relationship with your spouse second will, in time, weaken the family structure.

Answer 15

Kids should be you and your spouses top priority

Answer 16

kids-spouses can come and go-your children (not just after 20 years) are you're life!!! some women can be petty like that, but some men "change" after the baby is born and they put themselves at the "family pet" status.

Answer 17

Your spouse should always come before your kids,friends,parents other relatives. Like you said you are joined to that person for life. People don't do this anymore and that is why the divorce rate is so high.

Answer 18

my kids mean more to me than anything and yes maybe you are with your spouse longer but come on, he/she can easily cheat on you anytime, leave or lie and your kids can lie too, but they will always be there. i have unconditional love for my children and Ive gotta say im a little annoyed at your question. just because your child grows up and moves out that doesnt mean that your love should end or your relationship is over. whats wrong with you

Answer 19

Until your children can take care of themselves and are legally an adult they should always come before your spouse. They depend on you to raise them, shelter them, provide food and clothing... if need be your spouse can do all that on their own. Children come first!

Answer 20

when the child is all grown up you actually get a real relationship back with your husband. i mean the kids are always going to be your kids but you did your time and now they need to understand what the real world is like. yes if they do have problems they can always count on you as a parent, but they need to grow up some time don't they? not when the children are small they are always going to be #1 priority and that is the way it should for both parents. just my opinnion though.

Answer 21

Why can't they both be top priority? I mean, yes, people have to sort of worry about kids, especially when they're littler, but that doesn't mean they have to forget about their spouse does it? Why does it have to be one or the other?

Answer 22

It's your kids. I think most parents would agree with that, but your spouse is a very close second, so you only have to worry about this in double-drowining situations. Yes, many women transfer their affection from their husband to their child and it damages the marriage. That is very sad.

Answer 23

Make your spouse the top priority. It is actually better for the kids to see their parents as a united entity..

Answer 24

Kids come first. Your spouse can survive without you, but what would your kids do if you suddenly disappeared? As long as they are children, your kids should come before your spouse.

Answer 25

Spouse! No question about it! When you and your partner got married, you became one flesh! Next to God, your spouse should be the most important one in your life always!

Answer 26

There are times when each should have the top priority. It should be obvious to when those times are.

Answer 27

Your spouse. You may love your kids a lot but loving your spouse will ensure a sounder and longer lasting family.

Answer 28

WHEN THE KIDS ARE YOUNGER THE KIDS ARE PRIORITY WHEN THE KIDS ARE GROWN UP AND MOVED OUT ON THEIR OWN THE SPOUSE IS PRIORITY

IN MY OPINION

Answer 29

Well since I do not have a spouse I would have to say that my daughter comes first. And since my EX (her mother) is a whore, she would come just behind my love for my fancy pen.

Answer 30

I think KIDS cause regardless they are your kids and will always be your kids. Man come and go regardless if your kids make their own lives they will always come back to you after all they are your kids

Answer 31

my 8 yr. son is top priority. my husband is old enough to fend for himself.

Answer 32

Spouse! You're kids will never appreciate or respect you unless you put you and your spouse first!

Answer 33

Kids, Kids they are always first in my book. They are also YOUR responsibility. You owe them as long as they are kids.

Answer 34

why cant your FAMILY be your top priority?

Answer 35

all the family.

Answer 36

you have to find a balance that works for you, everyone is different.

Answer 37

Depends whose been nicer to me. It's all about me.