Was what I said out of line?

Question

Please read the whole story if you want to answer, 10 pts to the best answer.I apologize for the length.

A guy friend I have had since my childhood (I am now 26) has suddenly been constantly calling me and texting me at all weird hours of the night.

We live in different states and we hardly ever see each other. I always thought he was a nice person and I enjoyed being friend with him, but we were always together in our "gang" of friends, not really alone ever. We kept in touch over our college years. My now husband John (who was only my boyfriend at the time during college) and I would double date with him and his girlfriend Elle whenever they visited our hometown and we would all have a nice time. Both John and I always had fun with them because it was nice to have another couple to double date with back when we were all in college.

Well I am now married to John and he is now single (the girl Elle broke his heart and did some really rotten things to him a year ago and then immediately married another man). I felt terrible for this and tried to be there for him as best as I could in a long distance way, friends only way (ie a phone call once a month to catch up and to say "hey chin up, i've got some pretty cousins ya know" and then my husband would chat with him for a while and catch up on sports)

Recently he has been constantly calling and texting me at all hours of the night (2 AM for example). When I don't answer he becomes agitated and calls back and leaves me mean voicemails. When I tell him the next day what he said was hurtful and rude and that my husband and I do not appreciate it, he tells me he was just drunk and sorry for it.

It all came to a head when my husband and I were out on a romantic date we had been planning for months and the calls and texts began. I can't shut my phone off because I am in the medical field and almost always on emergency call (even on my weekends "off"), but I did my best to continue to silence it and shot him a text that said, "I am sorry I am out on a date with my husband I will talk to you tomorrow." Finally after the 6th or 7th text and 4th call, I replied and said he was being extremely rude and innapropriate and ruining mine and my husband's date. That stopped the messages for the time being.

The next day he wrote me an email calling me selfish, spoiled, and told me to "get over myself". He told me I was a terrible "best friend" and that I should be ashamed of myself.

My question is, was I truly out of line to tell him his behaviour was inappropriate? Has this ever happened to you (or something similar). If so how did you handle it? I hate to stop being his friend but to me his behaviour is out of line and disrespectful to both myself and my husband. It is almost starting to cross the line of friends and into something it absolutely should not be. I have never lead this man on and any contact I have had with him since our highschool days has been with my husband there or with a large group of friends.

Thanks for reading I look forward to your answers. I know this was a long one.

Answer 1

How could you think you were out of line? You're happily married, and this guy is an obvious trainwreck. It seems that he's the one who needs to get over himself. He probably envies you, is jealous, and/or has a thing for you. He's obviously being a stalker. He may have lied about being drunk, but even if he was that shouldn't excuse him. He should drink responsibly and learn to control himself. See, I don't think you were 'out of line'- I just think you weren't harsh enough. Tell him to go f*** off and maybe he will. You have to be harsh to get people to listen.

Answer 2

You were definitely not out of line. He just thinks it's ok to call you up and talk when he needs the comfort of a woman. He's single and got his heart broken and refers to you as his best friend thinking that maybe he might have a chance if you feel that sorry for him. He does not however, have respect for you or your husband and you should definitely let him know that you will not allow him to do that. I would cut him off if I were you. He's a grown man and has to deal with his own problems. He needs to stop with his non sense and grow up!

Answer 3

He is the one totaly out of line and inapporate. You and your husband do deserve some private time of your own. Reguardless of how good of friends you are to some one you are never on call 24/7 to them. You need your sleep to preform your jobs and maintain your life. There are some limits and he has over steped those limists. I will never call some one after 9 pm unless it is a life and death emergency. It can wait untill the next day. He need to be made aware of certian limit that he must not cross and they must be inforced even if he does not like it. He will just have to live with them. They will not kill he but his feeling my be hurt if so, to bad. Good Luck.

Answer 4

You definitely weren't out of line, it's time to be up-front and assertive with this person, or they'll keep causing you trouble. If it gets to the point that you feel harassed, you might even want to go as far as blocking his emails and / or changing your phone numbers. Your behavior really sounds rational, and the friend seems clingy, obsessive and volatile. Do you really need this drama in your life? All the best, I hope it works out easily for you.

Answer 5

It is immature for this guy to think you are his personnal phyc doc. He needs to grow up and get a life! Stop enabling him to be retarted, you should cut him off and go on with your life. It is not normal for a grown man to act this way he could get alot worse like stalking or something weird like that so take charge of this unpleasant situtation he has put you into and simply don't allow it any longer.

Answer 6

No words needed; I'd just answer the door wearing nothing but a smile. (that would say it in ALL languages)