How can I get my fiance to defend me and our daughter?

Question

Me and my Fiance' have been engaged for almost 2 years now and we have the most beautiful little girl together, He's a good father and a good (husband to be) ... When his family doesn't get involved.
Okay when we first became a couple I was best friends with my fiance's best friend and my fiance's sister liked our friend and i guess she didn't like the fact the I was his friend
and she flat out told me she hated me . The other members of his family I was okay with for a while ,about 6 months into our relationship she came up to me and told me "wow your still with him huh?" and of course I was confused then she said she didn't like me because her and her family thought I was too pretty for him, which is stupid I honestly don't think I am. Then few months past we get engaged and
everything was fine until he went to visit his family one day and when he came home he acted like a complete ***. I didn't know what happened but he just started treating me so badly , so we separated for a while and he moved back in, and I became pregnant :) [ I know I'm not married and I was pregnant but I'm happy to have my little girl]
and everything was wonderful he treated me so differently, was sweet came to all the Dr. app.'s ,was there when I was in labor he really is such a sweet person when not around his family. anyway
after my daughter was born my family threw a baby shower because I didn't want to find out the sex. and I did invite his family but only one person came which was his cousin who is like 12, the mom dropped him off and no one else came which did kind of hurt but I know it hurt him a lot more. Here is where I get pissed...
my daughter not even a month old at the time was playing with him
his mother called and asked to speak with him and I told her he was getting ready to give her a bath and if she could hold on for like 10 seconds while I go get him, she said no that she'll call back and I said okay, then she said that she misses him living with her and that he would be much better off and happier if he wasn't with me or MY daughter. I hung up and then a few days later his sister calls and asked to speak with him and I said no[ i had the phone on speaker so he could hear the convo.] then she calls me a ***** and said ...and I quote... '' you and your damn daughter ruined his life, he's not even happy with you'' I went off and said things I don't think yahoo will allow me to say and he told me he was sorry for his sister and his whole family and swore he was happy and he loved me then he went to go talk to his sister they got into a argument and his mom came out crying and then he felt bad. he didn't talk to them for a few months until they called and he said he wants to be on good terms with them I said fine but I don't want to be around them after saying that to me. They never apologized for saying it and when he brought it up his mother said no we never said that and he told them that he heard them say it and his sister and mother got quite and told us to get out of their house (BTW he has 2 sisters and the one I'm talking about is the oldest) and basically to sum it up without me ranting, it's been like that ever since. my daughter in now 10months old and my fiance is the sweet, loving, affectionate person I've always wished for, then as soon as he gets into contact with them he acts like an ***. his older sister and mother always call up crying or saying things to make him fell bad so he apologizes to them and for the past 4 months whenever they say anything about me or my daughter he doesn't defend us anymore. he used to like every time they said something but i don't know why it stopped. I'm just so frustrated I don't know what to do and now his dad and little sister hate me and I know for a fact I've never said anything bad to them or disrespected them in anyway I hate this . They don't even call our daughter by her name, they just say "oh your kid" how do I get him to defend me and our daughter again? everything in our relationship is fine. good relationship, good sex life, i take care of the home and our daughter and work part time, he works full time, everything is fine except when his family gets involved.. I really hate thinking about this but part of me kind of does want him to cut ties with his family that's where most of our problems come from and I don't know I'm just so upset, has anyone been in this situation? or going through it?
I know the whole thing about mother-in laws and daughter-in laws don't get along is NOT true my sister-in law and mom get along perfectly and she's a sweetie my whole family loves her.....could it be because I'm white? he is Hispanic. but i know a lot of couples with the guy being Hispanic and the wife being white and they get along w/ the family fine.
I know I haven't done anything to them..until they said my daughter f***up his life then yes I became a *****.I think any person who was told that would become a *****/***.
what should I do?

Answer 1

WOW> If I were you I would be very upset also. It sounds like they are very controlling and probably always have been. I guess it's one thing when they cant accept his relationship with you, but not accepting a child that is part of him (and them for that matter) is just plain weird. They sound like strange people and I think you should stay right away from them before they really try to do something to hurt you. If it is because you are white then so be it. That is ridiculous!! Love knows no color, no boundary. As far as he goes, he should grow some kahunas and tell them that they either get over it and accept the fact that he is an ADULT that has made his own life or he should just move on without them. Sounds like they might be jealous and have nothing else to do. If they cant accept that then he needs to move on so your daughter doesn't have to suffer the wrath of their abusive family.

Answer 2

I take it he's living with you? Wow, no, you can't hit him! However, you can intervene before it gets to that point! The next time she asks him to pick up after himself, and he does not and she has to keep asking him, get a garbage bag and start throwing his things away. Also, you do have the right to use reasonable force to defend her, what would be considered reasonable force would be, getting him to the ground, (however you have to, but don't leave any marks or actually hit), but, I would grab an ear if it were necessary, lol, that's just me, it seems like that would be reasonable force to me! lmao Then, sit on top of him until he calms down. If you choose to take this route, I would say something to the effect, well, if you're going to act like a child, I'm gonna treat you like one, you're in time out! and just sit there on top of him and hold him down! Discuss this with her before you do it! Now, if he's still in there not cleaning up, go grab a trash bag and get to work! If he has a TV in his room, that might be a good place to hold him down at if he tries to take a swing at you! Just hold him down and ask your fiance if she could turn the TV on for you! lmao! Also, after you do that, I would tell him, if you ever hit my fiance again, I'm gonna call the police on you, and you're going to jail! I will not tolerate it! You will not hit her!

Answer 3

Your fiance just needs to be more of a man, and sometimes that means standing up to your family if need be for your new family. Just because his parents/sister,etc. think they know what's best for him, doesn't make what they say or do true. He needs to learn to speak to them about running his life. It shouldn't make a difference whether you are white or black or hispanic like him. Families are meant to support you in any choice you make, whether you get along with them or not. Maybe they don't realize how they are hurting your relationship, but if they do, I would say tell him to give them a warning that if they don't want an estranged son, they had better shape up. He just needs to stand up to them, you standing up to them will just give them a reason for them not to like you even more. Congrats on your beautiful daughter, and good luck with this in the future.! =)



Answer Mine?:

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Answer 4

You know the situation.



You know how they feel about you. There's nothing he can do and there's nothing you can do to change them.



The best thing you can do is stay out of it.



Who cares what they say? I mean, is it worth it? Why fight with him about it? He can't control what they say and do and how they feel.



He's with you. He's engaged and he loves you and his daughter. That's probably about all anyone in his shoes can manage. Men don't hate their mothers.